This is the most wonderful time of the year.
Maybe it’s just me. I know this isn’t necessarily everyone’s favorite time of year, there's just something about it. I mean, it hasn’t been the easiest time for me in the past, but, again, there has always seemed to be a sort of magic in the air.
It could be the snow that dusts the trees and houses all around, and the beautiful winter wonderland it creates. Or, maybe the lights that adorn what were once barren trees before Christmas came to decorate. I'm not sure, but thinking of it all, I just can’t help but smile.
I’m not saying that I’m always in a marvelous mood; holly, jolly and all that during the holidays. I'm merely saying that thinking of the holidays, looking around at the lights that sparkle in the snow-filled skies, hearing the carols that carry in the wind, and taking in the scent of cookies seem to make me smile no matter my mood.
Speaking of evolving moods, maybe it's the impending polar vortex that makes sitting by the fire ever the more enticing. Maybe it’s the lack of social interaction I’ve had. Maybe it’s the books and movies I have surrounded myself with. I don’t know, but the combination of it all seems to offer a sense of clarity the likes of which I have never experienced before. That may be a bit of an overstatement, as moments such as these always tend to feel very monumental at the time, but this feels big.
I have spent much of my life being scared. Not ready to open up for fear of being broken. I never really saw it before, but uncertainty is a villain I have tried to fight off for a long time, and has kept me from trusting people, and from letting them in. This struggle between me and this invisible evil has been all consuming. It has made me see only what I have wanted to see, and feel only what I have wanted to feel. Anything that has caused me to stray from that, I have pushed away, and feared.
See, to love is to trust, and it takes me a lot to truly trust people outside of my close friends and family. I haven't been open to love, or to being loved. Fear of uncertainty has barred my heart from it, but I'm done. I'm bending those bars, and liberating my self, my heart.
I'm done being scared, scared of uncertainty that is, and I'm ready to be loved. Just typing that makes me feel vulnerable, but vulnerability is part of being open, right? Right.
I admit that coming to this conclusion has caused me to loose opportunities I may not have again, and I'm sorry that it has, but, as I've said before, everything happens for a reason. Just turning away from my furious fight against uncertainty (I would use a synonym for uncertainty, but can't seem to find anything with the same fitting essence) has given me access to a warmth and freedom unlike anything I've ever known. I don’t regret the time I have taken to arrive at where I am now, and I know that whatever will be will be. Que sera sera as the song goes.
I apologize for the emotional digression, but I ask you to trust me, Reader, to return to the point, as I always do.
Now, I could be sad, lonely, confused, but it’s Christmas, and I love Christmas. It’s a beautiful time filled with mistletoe, merriment, and magic, if you let it be.
So, I invite you to join me in letting the holidays enter your heart. I know I sound an awful lot like Cindy Lou Who talking to the Grinch, and in saying that I don't mean to call you the Grinch, but, rather, to appeal to the Grinch like tendencies in us all, and entice you to break out of them. Just go with it, okay. Plus, I think I’m allowed some cliché Christmas allusions, as, well, tis the season.
It's very easy to get caught up in the not so jolly things that may be taking place in your life right now, I can attest to that. All I ask is that you consider opening up to this season. Take a deep breath, allow yourself to catch the contagious smile of a passer by, and feel the magic. Smile back to that stranger on the street, wish them a happy holidays, think of others, and be appreciative of everything and everyone you have. In that lies the magic of Christmas.
