I was diagnosed with Lupus in 2017. Lupus is an autoimmune disease that pretty much means that my immune system is attacking the healthy tissues because it mistakenly sees them as foreign invaders. It is chronic, which means that I am going to have it for the rest of my life and there is no cure. The only way to treat the disease is by managing the symptoms.
One thing that I wish my rheumatologist had told me when being diagnosed is that my entire life was going to change. When I was first diagnosed, I had so much confidence in the doctors and the treatments. I was ready to tackle whatever obstacle this disease threw my way. Then, Lupus began to take things one by one and I began to lose that hope. The first thing it took was my sense of control. This is still one of the hardest things I must deal with this disease. I could be doing everything right, and I will still be sick. Knowing that I have no control over what my body is doing to itself, is defeating.
Another thing lupus took away, is my old life. I often find myself still grieving the person I was before this illness took over. I miss not having to wake up and take 4 different medications. I miss not knowing what it was like to have to give myself weekly injections. I miss not having to rest after doing even the smallest tasks. But most of all, I miss being able to do what I want without knowing or worrying about bringing on a lupus flare up.
The truth is, nobody warns you about or can prepare you for a life of living with a chronic illness. But you learn to live with it because if you don't, it wins. I refuse to let anything that has taken so much away from me, to win. I live everyday of my new life doing treatments, taking different medications, spending hours at doctor's appointments and seeing every specialist under the sun. But I do it so that I can have the best quality of life possible for a person with chronic illness.
Lupus may take away my time, sometimes my control, and my old ways of living. But there are a few things that lupus will never take away from me: Lupus will never take away the kindness that I have towards everyone. Everyone has a story, that we know nothing about. Lupus will never take away the strength that I have because of the obstacles. and Lupus will never take away all the things that I learned about myself from living with this disease. I'm patient, persistent, empathetic, and strong.
Lupus has taken many things, but I don't mind stealing some of those things back. Because Lupus, you are not the thief anymore. I am.
