My catchphrase these days: "_____ gives me anxiety." As it turns out, just about everything "gives me anxiety". Even the things that really shouldn't. Like squirrels and cows (yes, I actually have a fear of squirrels and cows). So often do we encounter stimulus that makes us a little nervous, that we easily push it to the back of our mind after the split-second of discomfort. The threat remains nonetheless, likely to present itself soon. Here are 10 stressful things we encounter on a regular basis, that really shouldn't be stressful.
1. Ordering food
Ordering food when you have to specify all the ingredients, or pronounce difficult words-this always puts me on edge. What if I pronounce acai wrong and am judged by the customer behind me who just so happened to overhear? What if I'm saying the toppings too fast, or too slow, for the person making my sub?
2. Having nothing to do
The only thing more stressful than having a lot to do, is having nothing to do. I suddenly feel as if I have no purpose. Why is doing nothing so much more fun when you actually have responsibilities to avoid? I feel like I'm wasting my time when I could be doing something-- but doing what? I haven't the slightest idea.
3. Holding doors open
What is the appropriate distance at which you should remain holding the door open for yourself and the person behind you? This is so awkward. If you don't hold it open it slams in their face. If you do hold it open you risk standing their awkwardly making eye contact waiting for them to get to you, and the even more awkward possibility that you've just made them uncomfortably jog to get the door from you because they know you're waiting and don't want to make you uncomfortable. Now you're uncomfortable because you've made them uncomfortable. This is just a mess.
4. Pooping in public
It's not like anybody knows that it's me in this stall. Why does it matter if my poop makes a loud sloshy noise falling into the toilet anyways? I know they say they don't poop in public but they're lying, everybody does it. Nonetheless, I still care. What if they see my shoes and figure out it's me? Solution: Just wait until somebody is at the hand-dryer or strategically flush the toilet at the same time you poop...damnit the timing was all off. Is that a chuckle from the stall next door?
5. Gift giving
There are two non-spoken rules of gift-giving. Number 1: If you're given a gift, you must also give a gift. And Number 2: You must put the same amount of time/effort/money into the gift. Unfortunately, you can't always fulfill the rules of gift-giving...awkward. If you're not the gift-giving type but a friend of yours is? Congratulations, since they gave you a gift for your birthday, you now have to go out and get them a gift too, even if you weren't planning on it. And, make sure you spend as much money on them as they spent on you because I can assure you that receiving something pricy and expensive is extremely uncomfortable when you know your friend is about to unwrap the candle you just picked up...fifteen minutes ago...from Walmart.
6. When people look at your social media with you
It's easy to make that silly face and justify posting it at 2 am, but what happens in the daylight when friends see it and they mention, "that ugly face you were making in your new profile picture". Oh no, they're scrolling through their feed right in front of you... hopefully they don't see that joke about...
"Ewwwww...." Yeah, you're going to hear about that later.
7. Not knowing the answer when called on
Why isn't the kid beside me whispering to me the correct answer? It's been 5 minutes, I know this is making everybody else uncomfortable too.
8. When nobody laughs
When you make a joke, or embarrassing mistake expecting for everybody to laugh it off. And then they don't. The only thing more embarrassing than being laughed at, is when nobody laughs at you. Because that's when they are legitimately embarrassed for you.
9. Speaking up at the wrong time
I finally got the courage to answer the question....at the same exact time as the girl in front of me. Whoops. Awkward. Was he not calling on me? Oh, of course he meant the girl directly behind me. I'm an idiot.
10. Telling a story and realizing nobody cares
And then trying to insert yourself in the conversation a few seconds later but still being talked over. Am I invisible or something? Did anybody hear me say, "This one time..." five times just now? I'm going to pretend that didn't just happen.
11. Doing adulty things for the first time
Mom, how exactly do I schedule a doctor's appointment? Wait, you're telling me I can't see the pediatrician anymore? Well how do I find a new doctor? Don't worry, we totally can't tell you're new to this whole "adulting" thing.
12. Finding exact change
Standing in line trying to find the money you need and scrambling around trying to get the exact change out because you KNOW you have it. Now there are receipts all over the counter, you've got two dollars between your teeth and the cashier is pushing your items at you. When did the line get so long? You can practically feel the angry eyes burning into the back of your skull. Okay people behind me please settle down.
13. "Your card has been declined"
Just nod and smile, nod and smile.
14. How to address adults
I know they told me to just call them by their first name but that just doesn't feel quite right. Should I just go for it? Or call them Mr. Last Name, or what about Mr. First Name? Oh the struggle. Now I've got to find indirect ways to get their attention because I have no idea what to call them.
15. Meeting new people
Okay, let's go in for a handshake. Why are they just standing there? Is there an appropriate time to shake hands? How about a hug? Nope. Just going to stand their awkwardly and smile, got it. Greetings just feel so empty without at least a handshake.
