Here it is. The C-word.
Cancer is a big part of my life and many others lives, but I don't have it thankfully. I love someone who had cancer, my mom. My mother was my best friend my whole life, she was the most beautiful person inside and out. Yes, I am using past tense because she unfortunately passed away back in 2010. Cancer is a big part of many people's lives because it is this horrid thing that most people seem to be afraid of getting or watching someone they love get. You will either hear about someone fighting cancer, beating cancer, losing the battle with cancer, trying to avoid getting cancer ( I'm in this boat) by using a healthy lifestyle, or sadly that someone lost the battle with cancer all together. Cancer is a word you hear and start to feel sad or worried, I tend to feel both to this day. I have had cancer in my life many times after my mother, I have had more family members get it, I have also met some of my best friends because they are kids of people who lost the battle with cancer. After my mother passed away I hoped that would be the last time I had to experience cancer in my life because it was such a horrible disease, that was a bit of a large and unrealistic wish.
Cancer came back into my life in a direct way back in January of 2016 when my partner's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. When Allen, (my partner whose name I have changed for privacy reasons) told me that his mom had been diagnosed with cancer I started sobbing into his chest and asking all the questions I had learned to ask through all my other journeys with cancer: " Where is the cancer? What stage is it? Is she going to be OK? How are you dealing with this"?" We talked and cried some more together and agreed to try and do more to help out, that was all we could do. His mother's cancer never got too out of hand, she by no means felt well but she never needed to be hospitalized and her chemo treatments would go well for the most part. She always stayed tough and she has made it through this terrible disease.
It has been six months now since she started chemo treatments and now she is done them hopefully. Doctors are going to have to do more test to see what is going on more in depth with her tumor, but everything seems very hopeful now. Allen's mother had a cancer fundraiser thrown for her yesterday to help with the cost of the medical treatments. It was a lovely fundraiser to be at, Allen and I served food to the 150-plus guests that showed up to have fun and raise money for such a great woman in their lives. With this cancer reflection going on, seeing how far his mother has come, and his whole family has come with the journey cancer took them on I asked Allen some questions today.
I thought of what to ask him that would be relatable for all kids of cancer patients and I asked what seemed like it is the most obvious question to ask "What was it like find out that your mother had cancer?" Allen replied to me after thinking carefully for a moment, " My heart dropped when my mother told me she got cancer, in that moment it felt like someone punched me in the chest." I saw Allen's face change to a sad look when he said this to me; it definitely is a topic we haven't talked about in a while. I only asked him one more question which was a question I could not have asked before the cancer started to get better, "How did you think your mother's cancer story was going to go"? Allen surprisingly didn't seem upset by the asking of this question and he said, "I thought that it was going to be difficult to get through, but I always knew she would survive." Such a positive response to a situation that most people don't have the first idea how to deal with.
I asked Allen these questions just to see how far he has come with dealing with this giant change in his life that was so unexpected. He has been amazing through out all the stress of his mother having cancer and the changes that come along with that. I personally think that the whole situation has helped him mature as a person. To all the children of cancer patients your feelings are important too, try to be strong and supportive because that is all you can do.
- Autumn
