Anxiety affects around 18 percent of adults between the ages of 18-54 years old.
While it may sound like a small percentage to some, this accounts for almost forty-million people which is a huge number. Some people are extremely comfortable sharing that they have anxiety and for others that isn't the case, especially with those they are close with. If you happen to be in some sort of relationship with someone who suffers from anxiety, interacting with them may sometimes get tricky especially if you're unsure of how to handle it.
Well as someone who has dealt with chronic anxiety for all of her life, let me tell you, that we don't always know how to handle it either. Unfortunately, having an anxiety disorder doesn't come with a manual on how to cope since it is different for everyone. But there are some things you can do as a partner, friend, or family member to support your loved one during anxious times.
Thank them
If your loved one has disclosed to you that they have an anxiety disorder, it's important to understand that they have trusted you with information regarding their mental health and that is a big deal. Thanking them for sharing that sort of personal info will only remind them that you are someone they can trust and they are safe. A simple "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me" or a "I really appreciate you sharing that with me" is the difference between them feeling judged and safe. And for someone with anxiety, being safe is a great feeling.
Ask questions
When you meet someone who is allergic to bees or someone with asthma, it's perfectly okay to ask them "Hey where's your epipen/inhaler in case you have an attack so I can help you?". With mental illness it is often assumed that you must tiptoe around the subject rather than treating it like a physical illness. Now, I'm not saying to pry into their illness and try to discover their deep dark past. But what I am saying is that it is perfectly okay to ask what you can do as their friend/partner/family to help them should they need it. Everyone has different coping mechanisms, whether it's listening to music, going for a walk, or talking through it. It's important to ask how you can help prior to an attack because chances are if they are dealing with an anxiety attack the last thing on their mind is getting you to understand what they need. Asking questions like "If you have an attack what can I do to help you?" shows that you care and validates to them that you are going to be there should they need you.
Know the difference between anxiety attacks and feeling anxious
Those who suffer with anxiety either have coping mechanisms or are trying to figure out what works best for them. Someone with anxiety is not going to necessarily disclose every time that they have an attack, just like someone with asthma isn't going to tell you every time they use their pump. You may even go the entire length of your relationship and never visibly see them have an attack because they know how to work through it on their own. Regardless, anxiety is a diagnosable illness and will follow that person all of their life. Just because they aren't showing signs of having had an anxiety attack or not having them in front of you doesn't mean they aren't feeling anxious. Unfortunately it is something they will always have.
There will be good days and there will be bad
Everyone is different. Just like every day is different. For those with anxiety, each day brings a different challenge. Some days may be absolutely wonderful while others may be anxious filled from beginning to end. Some may go months or years without an attack while others may suffer from them daily. Should your loved one have an attack, handling it as a normal thing is going to be key in making sure they don't feel small or embarrassed. They are already in a vulnerable place, so being shocked by an attack isn't going to make them feel very good. Use the information they shared with you about what your part is during an attack and go from there. Just remember that their anxiety has nothing to do with you and everything to do with an unfortunate illness.
Avoid belittling statements
I can't tell you how upsetting it is to be told to "calm down" when I am feeling anxious. If I could voluntarily calm myself down, I would have done it already. You would never say to someone in a wheelchair to get up because they're fine just like you shouldn't say to someone with mental illness that it's all in their head or that they're crazy. Even if that person jokingly makes statements like that, you should never be the one to say those things.
Anxiety does not define them
Just like you wouldn't treat someone with cancer any differently because they have cancer you should not treat someone with anxiety any differently. Mental illness doesn't change a person's value or make them any less deserving of your love. While it may bring different challenges, it is completely doable with your love, dedication, and communication from both sides of the relationship.
