Through life you develop bonds that are irreplaceable, unforgettable and are filled with memories. And eventually in this life you will experience a break in bond like this when that person passes away. Unexpectedly or not it shatters you to your core.
Grieving is a process that often takes years to cope with, it’s different for each person. Sometimes a part of it is acting out, it’s a cry for help they’re feeling like they’re drowning. There is nothing anyone can do to make these emotions go away. A feeling of guilt, even if they weren’t responsible, it’s an unavoidable response. Pushing everyone away because no matter how much someone gets you to talk about it, nothing ever changes. There was someone so important in their life and they are learning how to live a life without physically seeing that person anymore. Every day there is a hole that cannot be mended. Even with time. Grieving is exhausting; it sucks everything out of a person. Sometimes that is all they can do in a day.
There is an overwhelming pressure for someone to bounce back, on how they should be grieving and on what they are choosing to do with their time to occupy their minds. There is a pressure to put on a face and pretend like you’re okay and that you aren’t still upset and still struggling on the inside. Every day is a battle, a new one. It’s hard to get through without thinking about what has happened. On the rare occasion you’re in public, you have everyone staring at you as though you have seven heads and three of them change color by the second.
A person changes when they’re grieving, their entire being is tested to its limits and you don’t know how to cope with your emotions that are pulling you in different directions. You’re angry, you’re depressed and you’re in denial. There are good days, and then there are bad days. One morning you’re okay and maybe by noon you can’t endure the rest of the day and just need to lie down. You felt fine at the beginning of the day, but out of nowhere you feel as though you've just heard the news for the first time again. When depression kicks in as you’re grieving you have mood swings, you’re happy one second and the next you can't tolerate anyone around. You might get angry one moment over nothing specific or something minor. And after that moment you’re irritated with yourself because you have no control over yourself or your emotions.
Everyone has always heard the lines “Everything happens for a reason,” and “Everything will be okay.” Though the thought counts for the person trying to help, it doesn’t exactly take away the pain you’re feeling. Yes life goes on, but that’s the hardest part about grieving. Life does go on.
Love, affection and just doing the simple requests can make a world of difference on to someone greiving. Sit down and listen while we vent. Understand the daily struggle and exhaustion we face. If we seem distant, or seem to lash out, it is not on purpose. We are struggling an internal war and feel as though we are losing it. Time does help, but don’t rush us. We just need to be loved a little more gently just now.
