When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see all your flaws that no one else sees? Do you think you're ugly? Fat? Unlovable?
That used to be me. I used to hate every inch of myself. I saw every stretch mark, every roll in my stomach and chin, every unplucked hair, every zit. To me, I was fat, ugly, and not worthy of being loved. If I couldn't love myself, how could I expect anyone else to?
After years of hating myself, I had to learn how to be okay with every flaw in my body. I'd like to say that I love myself today, but at times, I don't. There are times when I look in the mirror and think I'm ugly and fat. There are times when I look in the mirror and look closely at every flaw I see. There are days I weigh myself and cringe because I'm a pound heavier than I was the day before.
I used to think everyone noticed what I noticed; that everyone saw what I saw. The truth is, people don't notice the flaws you see. After spending so much time with my soon-to-be best friends, I realized how little people actually notice about your appearance. Back in high school, the pressure to be perfect could be all-consuming. In college, no one cares if you haven't washed your hair in three days or if you're wearing the same clothes as yesterday. When I asked my best friend if she could tell if there was hair in between my eyebrows, she said, "While yeah, now that you brought it up."
It's taking practice to love myself. It's hard to go from caring about what people think about me to accepting that people aren't as judgmental as you think. I still don't like people seeing me without makeup because I don't like what I look like without makeup. I still don't like the rolls in my stomach or the zits or the unplucked hairs in my eyebrow. People comment on how nice my legs are and how skinny I am, but I don't see what they see.
I'm not a Victoria's Secret model. I have zits. My hair gets greasy. I get bloated from eating too much. My makeup isn't perfect. My nails aren't always painted. I don't always dress like a fashion major.
I'm always going to have flaws. I'm always going to have some imprecations. The question is, can I accept them? Can I overlook all the little things and focus on my character? I know I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world, and I know that who I am on the inside means ten times more than what I look like. I'd rather be beautiful on the inside than pretty on the outside. I don't need to be beautiful on the outside. The outside is only what you see. The inside is what I let you see. Who I am is not what I look like. Who I am is more than that.
I'm starting to love myself again and accepting my imperfections. Judge me by my looks. Go ahead, I dare you. But I promise you, what you'll think of me, won't be who I am. I can't stop you from judging me. But I can tell you, by not talking to me and seeing how beautiful I am on the inside, you're missing out.
It's your choice. Are you going to judge me based on what I look like, or are you going to judge me based on who I am?
