According to the Alzheimer's Association, Alzheimer's disease is defined as a brain disease that causes a slow decline in memory, thinking and reasoning skills.
I am currently entering my sophomore year at West Chester University. Three years ago, my two maternal grandparents lost their fight against Alzheimer's disease and I currently have a paternal grandmother diagnosed in the late stages of Alzheimer's.
Coming from personal experience with each, each person had different symptoms and their stages progress very differently.
If this comes to help anyone, here are a few tips I wish someone had told me to remind myself.
1. They are not their disease.
They. Are. Not. Their. Disease.
You could say, "Yes, but they have it." Sure, you may have brown hair as well but do you only solely identify as a brunette individual? No, that would be silly! The same goes in this situation.
Don't let yourself obsess over it, rather try to remind yourself of the person.
Remind yourself why they are a loved one of yours.
Remind yourself why they love you.
Remind yourself that this doesn't take away from how smart, beautiful, humorous, loving, thoughtful, and wonderful they are.
They are still this same person. Even though it can be hard to not go down that rabbit hole. Please remind yourself of that.
2. Don't try to correct, just divert conversation.
It is very easy to have a knee-jerk reaction to correct your loved one when they say something incorrectly or mess up, but please don't try to correct them. It will only leave them frustrated, upset, and/or angry and trust me when I say it is not worth it. Instead, divert conversation and change the subject!
3. Do fun games and activities with them.
Bring out the kid in them!
Do fun, little arts and crafts with them that can be done by a table or a table stand in bed! My grandmother for Christmas made everyone ornaments out of Popsicle sticks and some glitter glue. She was smiling ear to ear making them, it gave her a rush of an accomplishment and happiness at that moment that I wished she could feel every day.
Another idea is painting or drawing! Adult coloring books and/or painting nails is a perfect way to help them focus on something for a short period of time. It is also very helpful to keep the mind active in any way you can!
4. Constantly remind them that everything's okay.
A lot of the time, randomly my grandmother would panic all of sudden and say they have to head somewhere or do something very specific. 9/10 times it was their mind distorting their reality, thinking a past memory was recurring in the present time. When they get upset or overwhelmed, give them the security by saying they are okay and everyone is alright. Most of the time they will begin to calm down and move on to the next thing.
Be a calm, gentle voice to help them feel safe.
5. Even if they forget, deep down part of them won't.
This one was a really hard part to process and understand. When it comes to the time when they begin to forget your name, please don't be upset. This isn't their fault. It isn't voluntary and even if they don't recall your name, deep down they know you are someone with significance to them. Someone that they know does matter to them, they just don't always know why.
Just continue to tell them how much you love and care for them. Sometimes, a small pocket of memory comes out and cherish those moments with them. Those times they hug you or smile at you, remind yourself that they will always care for you no matter what state they are in, and the same to you for them.
There's a part of the soul that will always hold on to the love they have for their loved ones.
I know it is a long and hard journey, but trust me when I say that you are stronger than you know. We only know our true strength when we are forced to be strong. I can't say that it will be easy, but what I can tell you is that the pain won't stay heavy on your shoulders forever. Right now, it may look and feel like a boulder but as time goes on, it will diminish into smaller and smaller pieces. It will not go away completely, but it will become small enough that you will be able to carry it without pain, in your pocket.
Regardless of the outcome, please know that they love you. This situation is out of their control, they aren't forgetting because they want to. SO when there are moments that slip away from them, rather than making them feel bad about it, assure them that it is alright and that you love them regardless. Let your loved ones know they are loved.
Because darling at the end of the day, we all just want to be loved and cared for. And yes sometimes, people need more validation and affirmations than others. So be that someone for someone. Be that caretaker for your loved one. Love and appreciate every little moment you have with them.
If you need any more information or tips regarding Alzheimer's disease, please check out the Alzheimer's Association.
