Dear Gram,
Two weeks from now marks two years since you left this beautiful world, but somehow I know you are in the even better world of heaven. The world you worked your whole life to reach.
You'd think that after two years, it would be easier, but honestly, I miss you more and more each day. Every minute, hour, day, and week that passes brings me further away from the time I spent with you. I know you're looking down on me right now and wishing you could do anything to comfort me as I'm crying writing this to you. I want you to know that as many tears of hurt that I shed, there are a million more tears of joy remembering all of the good times we had together.
After Christmas, this time of the year is always the hardest. There are signs of you everywhere I look. From the daffodils planted all around campus to rays of sunshine peeking through the clouds on a gloomy day. Even though you are no longer here, I know you will always be right by my side. Thank you for looking after me for the past 19 years no matter where you and I were or are. As I progress on in this journey of life, I will always look to you as guidance.
About two weeks ago, I met someone that reminded me so much of you, it was scary. The way she spoke about her faith felt like I was listening to you. As hard as it was to stay, I listened with great intent as she told her story. I knew in that moment you wanted me there, and that you wanted me to hear what she had to say. I know I'm not the best Catholic, but I hope you know that I have faith in this world, and in God, because of you.
Like I said, this time of the year is one of the hardest. When I'm on the lacrosse field, I still look up in the stands thinking that I will find you sitting there cheering me on. You were the best fan a girl could ask for. I want you to know that after you passed, one of our teammates actually said she would miss seeing you at the field for our games. A few weeks ago one of my friends from school told me she thought she would have liked you. My answer was of course she would. You should know that you touched the hearts of everyone you met, and even people you didn't know.
I miss walking into your house after the Manchester Road Race, searching for jelly beans and Easter eggs on Easter Sunday, and spending Christmas day on your living room floor. More than that, I miss the hugs, the countless sleepovers and trips to Friendly's. I miss cooking, going to church, filling the food pantry, and playing board games with you. I miss eating saltines in your kitchen and grabbing chocolate chips from the canister in the cabinet when you weren't looking. I miss our trips to New Hampshire and adventures in Disney. This list could go on forever, but that's not the point of this letter.
I want to thank you for everything. You taught me how to cook and bake, and watched as I fell in love with the kitchen. You brought our family together in a way only someone as great as you ever could. You loved us, but more importantly, you loved everyone you met. You taught me to accept myself and to rejoice in the beauty of people's differences. Thank you for your words of encouragement, your love, your kindness, and your compassion.
Most importantly, thank you for fighting each and every day not for you, but for us. You are truly the strongest person I know. Watching you suffer was almost harder than watching you go. Now I know that you are where you belong. As much as I love this life, I can't wait until the day we meet again.
All my love,
Krissy
