You’re gone, and it’s hard to think that now I can’t, and will never again be able to pick up the phone and call you back like I should’ve all those years ago.

It was my fault.

I regret it.

I was too lazy to do something so easy.

It would’ve been much easier to call you the day before and wish you well.

I’ve regretted this, and not knowing if I said “I love you” one more time, breaks my heart.

I remember getting the call vividly that morning, and my first thought was that I never took the chance to tell you how much I really love you.

I hope you know, and I’m sure you do, being the amazing grandma you were, but I wish I would’ve told you one more time.

Because of this, every day, I try to make up for it, even though as hard as I try, nothing can suffice.

I tell my parents that I love them a million times before I go to work, just to make sure that’s the last thing I say before I leave.

I tell my sister I love her all the time, probably too much and she often rolls her eyes, but smiles.

But she knows.

I hope she knows…

I call Papa every week to check up on him, make sure he’s doing OK, and tell him I love him.

I always make sure that my last words to my family are “I love you.”

I don’t remember the last thing I said to you, I remember our conversation about Easter and how we were going to go to a great restaurant you wanted to try.

I remember you crying, saying you hated it where you were and just wanted to go home.

I remember telling you it was OK to cry and I started crying too.

I remember I promised that we’d go out somewhere and have an amazing time.

I remember you were so excited and couldn’t wait for us to visit.

I was going to take you to church so you could see your friends again and see the pastor.

I don’t remember the end of our conversation.

I don’t remember hanging up or giving the phone to someone else.

I don’t remember if I called you again after that.

I hope I did.

I hope I said, “I love you,” and if I didn’t I’m sorry

I’m saying it now.

I hope it’s not too late.

I hope you know how much you meant to me, how often you brightened my day.

I wish I could call you one more time to tell you how much I love you.

I love you, Nana.