We never dated. We deny any feelings to each other. But you’re still the person that I picture myself with for the rest of my life. I might tell everyone there’s no way I’d ever date you, but the truth is that I’d date you in a heart beat. In fact, you're the person I picture myself growing old with.
I’ve gone against every piece of advice telling me to wait for the guy who knows me best. The guy who can make me feel like I’m the most special girl in the universe. The guy who loves me on even my worst days. They say you’re supposed to be with someone who knows from the start that they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. That might not be the case with us, and believe me, I hope that I’m not making a mistake by thinking this.
See, when I admit to being in love with you—a person who doesn’t see me like that—nobody understands why. I hardly do. Actually, I don’t understand any of this. I don’t understand how love works and why I’m so in love with you.
It’s crazy and stupid and maybe I’m just a bit naïve, but I don’t care. My heart wants what it wants.
Maybe it’s because I know deep within me that our story won’t end here. There’s many more chapters left. Maybe it’s because I read all the sappy romance stories that always end with a happy ending. Maybe it’s because of how you make me feel. But I know that I can never walk away and just forget these feelings.
You’re different than the rest. With you I feel like you want me, but you’re just not ready to take the next step. You’re trying to protect us both from whatever could happen now and save it for a better time. I believe that.
Here’s the point. I won’t wait around for you to change your mind, but I’m always open for the chance. I am not going to put off relationships and living my life to the fullest because there’s the small possibility that you’ll give me a chance. I’ll never throw away all hope that we’ll be together one day. At least that’s not going to happen anytime soon.
Continue with your compliments. Your “hello beautiful”'s and the hugs that make me feel like everything is perfect. I honestly don’t mind. But until you give me a look into your mind, I’m going to stop begging for your attention. I can’t hang on to the “what ifs” anymore. I can’t overanalyze everything. It’s not fair to my heart. It isn’t fair to continue to give me hope when it can lead to one of us being broken hearted.
For now, I’ll pretend I’m OK every time you tell me about a new girl. I’ll pretend I’m not hurt when you introduce us. I’ll tell her how lucky she is to have you. I’ll fake that smile and pretend it’s all OK. But just know that I’m the one who picks up the pieces when it falls apart.
I won’t say that I’m going to move on completely. I’m going to back away a bit and be guarded as always. I’m going to be your friend, and always wish for more. I’m going to take a step back while leaving the door wide open.
I’m right here if you want me. I won’t go anywhere. I’ll always love you. But I won’t be here forever.
