I’ve never been in love.

When I was younger, I believed in the concept of true love. I thought I would share this spark with someone and fall head over heels, and they would sweep me off my feet and carry me to a beautiful fairytale ending.

But after 20 years of observing relationships and love in general, I realized that I was very wrong.

And I’ve never been happier about it.

See, when it comes down to it, Love could be considered a social bribe. A bribe used to keep two people together long enough to reproduce and raise their children. As a species, we do need a way to produce healthy viable offspring. What better way to ensure that, than to somehow convince two people that they willingly should spend the rest of their lives together? That the product (a baby) of this mystical bond “love” they share will be the greatest joy in their lives, even though it will consume the rest of their time and earnings.

If that’s all love was though, many of us would have extremely sad existences.

I’m no expert in love by any means, but from what I’ve seen it’s more of happy medium between these two contrasting ideals. Love is not all sparkles and unicorns, nothing in this world is that simple. But it isn’t just a biological drive to fulfill our inherent need to belong and reproduce.

The type of love we seem to strive for is something that is cultivated over a long period of time. That spark we might feel in the beginning is just an initial attraction; there is no basis. It’s after really getting to know the individual, their quirks, their interests, their goals that we begin to form that deeper connection (the roots). Often there will be things that are incompatible, there isn’t such a thing as our perfect half. We are all wholes, we have our own identities. It’s just a matter of seeing whether these perceived differences is enough of a deal breaker.

Love is a lot of hard difficult work. Even when these differences in ideologies don’t matter, there will always be conflict. It’s inevitable, but working through the conflict and reaching common ground is more than worthwhile. The things you face together allow you to grow as individuals and learn so much about each other. More so, you learn a lot about yourself, as we tend to do when our limits are tested.

“True love” isn’t blind either, as a social bribe would suggest. True love sees the flaws, the cracks, the things about ourselves we wish to hide from the rest of the world. It’s seeing your naked soul, one of the scariest things we will ever face. True love is seeing it all, and still loving you regardless.

At the end of the day, love can be painful. It can lead to a lot of heartache and tears and sleepless nights. When you work through the pain, sweat, and tears though, the positives that come from loving someone are what make it special.

I’ve never been in love. But I look forward to it.