At the age of three, I wasn’t yet in school, but you were. When you had to leave, I had nothing to do but try to read my storybooks and rock in my little white rocking chair. Time passed by so slowly. Seeing you walk through the door was the best part of my day, followed by rolling a soccer ball back and forth down the hallway with you and then talking nonsense while recording camcorder videos on a blue TV tray.

I used to copy everything you’d say and everything you did. If you wanted mac and cheese, I wanted mac and cheese. If you wanted to watch Spongebob, I wanted to watch Spongebob. If your favorite color was red, so was mine. I even watched WWE because you watched it.

Maybe you found it annoying, but I couldn’t help myself. You were older than me, funnier than me, smarter than me.

We were never ones to fight or yell at each other. But when you gave up the camcorders and pop tarts and Spongebob for more teenage things, I felt left behind. I was again reminded that you were four years older. Soon, your attention was turned towards girls your age.

Now that I’m nineteen, I look back on those days and wish I had cherished them more. I wish we were still five and nine years old, planning balloon tournaments in our playroom and eating cheese puffs. Those happy days pop in my memory looking a bit spotty, like sunlight through leaves.

But I’m also thankful for the following years and everything that I learned from you.

You taught me how to do a front flip on our little trampoline when I was afraid to break my neck. You taught me that my weirdness was okay by matching it with more weirdness. You taught me that no boy should ever treat me with less respect than you do.

You showed me that loving another person with everything you have is the most important thing. Everyday, I appreciate the amount of effort you put into treating me as your equal when we were kids, your effort to stay in touch with me even though we don’t live together anymore, and your effort to love your family endlessly.

You aren’t aware of how special you are. You are incredibly humble, ridiculously talented, and and relentlessly caring.

I appreciate every second you’ve spent tolerating me, laughing with me, loving me. Thank you for being one of my favorite people ever and for being everything a big brother should be. I couldn’t ask for a better one. I love you.