Recently, I have begun sharing my slam poetry with the world and thus, here we are! Today, I will be sharing a poem with y'all called "Self Love is a Joke Sometimes."
Sometimes, on my best days,
I forget that loving myself is important.
That food, water, and self-care are in the same category.
That if I had to give up one, I'd forget it even existed.
Maybe I already have.
I can't remember the last time I held myself
Or when I took a nap because sleeping at night
Has become a game I play with my bed
Called "8 hours or 8 seconds."
I hate myself on the worst days but
I accept that I said days, not months or decades.
Pain has to heal because if it didn't there would
Be no reason, no reason, for the word healing.
I am NOT just a chemical imbalance, I can't be
Just carbon and bad timing because
God decided I was better as a person than a dirt pile.
Self-love and survival aren't just blood in the same vein,
They are the vein.
And I am the body of a girl who must get an IV to know
Where that self-love is located.
But maybe today, I become a doctor and slice open
My veins and see where the love lies because I fear
It is no longer in my heart.
I will spend time researching my case and maybe I will discover
Some cure for when my brain can't love me back.