I recently read this book called "Love Does" by Bob Goff which is a series of stories of a man who learned through various trials, people, and events in his life what it means to truly and fiercely love other people. At one point, he says:

"Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice."

This made me think - for a lot of reasons - about what it means to truly love others and if I'm doing it the right way. There is a common misconception that the way to love others is limited to specific behaviors, acts, and of course just saying it out loud.

But I believe that love is shown and experienced in hundreds of thousands of different ways:

Do you need anything from the store? Be careful driving home. How are you doing? How are things at home? I'm here to talk if you ever need me. Let me take you to lunch. I have a gift for you. I just want to spend time with you. Do you need some extra gas money? I can help you with your school work. I love you.

For as long as I can remember, I have very much craved verbal affirmation. I have needed to hear, "I love you because..." to really believe that I was loved. And as you can imagine, it put massive strains on romantic relationships, friendships, and even the relationship between some members of my family and I. It was draining for people around me to constantly have to reassure and affirm me in my insecurities.

It was an endless cycle of disappointment, jealousy, anxiety, and never being fulfilled. My first boyfriend could barely contain his frustration - and rightfully so - after hearing me ask "are you mad at me?" or "is everything okay?" for the ten-thousandth time. When he and I broke up, I had made and lost many friends along that road, and I was basically back at square one. I took that summer to really turn inside myself, start with me, and start again.

I dedicated myself to loving others. It isn't even that I ever had a problem loving others, but sometimes it was conditional and for the most part I just agreed to be there if somebody needed me.

But I went from this superficial love - being there only when I was called upon, telling them every once in a while, specified to people that I already knew relatively well - to a love that was not put in a box. I tried showing genuine care and acceptance for everyone that I came into contact with. I wanted to ask, "How is your day going?" and really care on a deeper level how there day was going rather than, "Good, you?" and moving on that I was too used to. I wanted to be a person that comforted. I wanted to be a person who had answers. I wanted to be a person who always knew the words to say to make somebody feel better, not as alone, and most (and worst of all) I wanted to fix things. And if I'm being honest with myself, I wanted to fix the people.

It sounds like real love and it sounds like a good thing, to want to be able to solve the people who you love's problems. But it isn't realistic.

Because people are people, not problems.

I think that what I learned through time and experience is that my words were not magical. I could not say something to mend a broken heart or solve a family discrepancy. But what I could do is be present, stay engaged, and just be there.

A perfect example of this type of love is Job chapter 3. In this chapter, Job has lost his family, possessions, has some horrible skin condition, and was suffering immensely. His friends heard that he was hurting, so they traveled from all around to come be with him. When they saw him lying on the ground, the bible says that "They didn't say a word because they saw that his suffering was great." And what a beautiful picture of friendship and love. They didn't come tell him Jeremiah 29:11 or Philippians 4:13. They saw that nothing they could do or say was going to fix it, so they sat in his presence, just to be there and to show Job that he was loved.

I guess the point that I am trying to get across is that I have been shown a love that far exceeds any love that I can give and/or receive on earth. I have been given grace and forgiveness and love beyond what my mind can comprehend. I have this love inside me that can manifest in hundreds of different ways - a type of love for everybody - and it is not of me, but of the loving God inside me that I give it to everyone around me.

What a beautiful thought, that God loves others through me.