Coming out is never easy.
Regardless if you have a religion, are pretty relaxed when it comes to religion, or hate God all together, coming out is never easy. For me, I had it twenty times harder when the time came to tell my extremely religious parents that I liked girls, and that I have my entire life. Yes mom and dad, I did date boys. I dated one for four years on and off, as a matter of fact, and yes I probably would have married him one day had I not gone away for college and realized that what I was feeling all these years was actually okay. That was the one confusion I was constantly confronted with when I finally told them…
“But Ab, I just don’t get why you dated boys for so long if you have always known.”
Let’s just jump to the basics and start from the beginning. I was raised in a very religious home in a very small farm town. I lived with my mother and my father and my younger brother (and my two dogs, of course). I grew up attending weekly mass, religious education, and CYO. My parents are happily married for 19 years and divorce would never be an option. My town had a population of about 10,000 so essentially everyone knew everyone and everyone’s business, and everyone knew everyone who was gay. Not saying that the kids that were out as gay were ever looked down upon, but those who came out in the later years of high school were never necessarily taken seriously. That’s no excuse for me to hide what I felt for so long, but somehow I couldn’t get myself to really realize that it was okay what I was feeling.
Being Catholic has always been and will always be something I pride myself on. I am extremely proud of my religion and everything that being a part of this religion has done for me. I’ve been blessed with some amazing opportunities and experienced some insane things just because of my religion, and I know that my faith will always be something very important to me. Nonetheless, being gay isn’t really welcomed in the Catholic community, and that was probably a subconscious reason to my hiding.
College was the biggest factor in my realization that “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with me.” I broke up with my boyfriend, took a step back and realized that yes, I for sure looked at girls as more than just wanting to be them, but more wanting to be with them. Coming out to my two back home best friends went without a hitch, and then I played the waiting game when it came to telling my parents. I first told my dad, then a week later told my mom. Those two conversations were easily the two hardest conversations I’ve ever had. While they were the hardest, they were also the most important and rewarding. No, my parents may never be able to fully accept and support the fact that I am gay, but because of my religion and their faith, they have loved me just as much as they ever have, maybe even more.
I hate the negative stigma that comes along with the topic of Catholics and gays. Just because it isn’t praised and 100 percent supported in the Catholic community, doesn’t mean the community won’t love you just as much as they did. I’m here proving that today… Yes, I am Catholic and yes, I am gay and yes, it’s okay to be both.
