Whether it’s a mother, father, aunt, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or child… addiction puts a toll on a relationship. When someone you love is an addict, you feel as though the addiction takes that person from you. They’re toxic; they’re drowning and taking you down with them. They’ve become someone entirely different, but you still hold on to the person they truly are or were before their addiction.
Loving an addict while they’re using takes patience. They continue to make the same mistakes, same excuses, and same lies that hurt you. Never coddle them or become an enabler for their addictions, but keep patience while offering them help through their battles. Remember that addiction is a fight you’ll never truly understand until you’re an addict. Stay empathetic and acknowledge that you will never totally be able to understand the urges, impulsive decisions, or the way they feel each day.
Sometimes to love an addict you need to step back from their lives. When they continue making decisions that hurt themselves and the people around them, you need to be selfish and step back. Sometimes there are certain people and situations that require you love them from afar. Know that people will only get help when they want it, your love cannot fix nor save them. Never forget the power of forgiveness and second chances. It is never too late to start over.
When the time for recovery comes, love is the most important thing you can show them. Let them know you will stand by them through the ups and downs to come and no matter what they will have a rock to build their new future upon. Let them know their problems are never too much to handle. Loving an addict shows that they are more than their addictions, and their mistakes don’t have to define them.
Loving an addict during recovery takes strength. For the rest of your life, you will know you can never be their top priority. Their lives need to always revolve around their sobriety; their number one priority must be recovery, above anything else. You need to love them knowing this; knowing there will be times they cannot give you their all because they need to focus on them. Love them knowing they can’t always make time to fit you in because their time needs to be entirely spent on getting themselves through the day.
To love an addict in recovery takes understanding. Although it is hard, you have to stay patient and know many of the well-thought-out plans you have for the next five to ten years won’t cross their minds as they need to take things one day at a time. The future is unknown and can be scary, so stay patient and present with them each day.
Overall, there is no written out step by step process on loving someone who battles an addiction. There’s only so much you can do in helping this person, but loving them despite the troubles their disease can be the best thing for both them and you. I truly believe love is all you need. Love gets us through the day and makes the most difficult times just a little bit easier.
