Losing my best friend was and possibly still is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

I wish I could describe the pain of losing my best friend.

Now, this person is not dead. We just do not talk anymore. I wish we could. I mean I have tried but this person refuses to talk to me. It has gotten to the point where I have just given up.

To clear something up, my definition of best friend is different from everyone else. I have grown up thinking that my one and only best friend on Earth is my future husband. And with that being said, no, I have never been married but the person I have mentioned above was someone I saw myself getting married to and I believed that we were going to at one point. He became my best friend. I told him everything and he got me to talk about things that I never thought I would talk about to anyone else. He was the one person I looked forward to getting a text from. He was my best friend that I loved deeply.

When I broke up with him before starting college, I was deeply pained in doing it. I didn't want to give him up at all, but it was getting to a point where my mental health got so bad that I had to give him up ( there is a long explanation for it that will probably be discussed in some future article when I feel it is right to explain every little detail). The weeks and months after were filled with many questions , wondering if I had made the right choice. I still wonder that even now. Granted, we have talked some within the past year or two , but we are not the same. College has changed us both and we are still trying to figure out what kind of people we are going to be.

There are times when I wish I could just text him and everything would be the same. He would answer me and I would have nothing to worry about. But, deep down inside, I know I lost my best friend because he needed to be lost whether it be for the rest of our college careers or for the rest of my life. I will never know. I hope he doesn't have to stay lost for the rest of my life but, if it is supposed to be that way, then so be it.

So, best friend, if you are reading this, I still think about you everyday and wonder how you are doing. I hope that God is working in your life as he is in mine, fixing all of my broken pieces. And, if you ever want to talk, you know how to get a hold of me. - HC