You know how adults say “Stay a kid as long as you can because you're gonna miss it when it's gone." That statement is a true one; being a kid is so much better. The most important thing is the innocence of a child, which is so precious, and to be ripped away like mine was, is devastating. My innocence was taken by a person I thought I could trust with my life. I may not have necessarily liked him, but he was a good man: my stepdad (my ex-stepdad). He was a very good man, but as John Proctor was, he just made a really bad decision. His decision was to touch me when I was 11. When the first incident happened I just thought it was OK, like that's what happens between a daughter and her father ,whether it was biological or not.

As a naive 11-year-old, I foolishly thought my stepdad's behavior was OK. As time went on, classmates talked about similar situations, and laughed, not taking the subject seriously. I then began to realize that what was going on was not okay, and that something should be done, but I still remained silent after 2 years. I had talked to my friends and they kept telling me, “It's not right, you need to tell your mom.”

I knew that deep down, but that was what was holding me back. Mom.. I loved my mom with such a passion that I did not want to do anything that would ruin her relationship. I knew how important her relationship was to her. I had seen her not happy for many years. I took it upon myself to always make sure my mom was alright, that when she needed something even if it neglected my own need, I would make it happen. Sadly, my mom went through the same thing and she continued to stay with him. I was so afraid that if I told, nothing would change, I would continue to be in the situation. So I guess in my mind it was better to stay silent than to say anything out loud: to be a mouse when I needed to be a lion.

It took four years, but he was finally caught. I was at school that day. I was on my way to the CAPS center, and in my head, I remember I kept thinking. “Just lie, just lie, and everything will go back to normal, mom will be happy and everything will be alright”. I knew that the devil was on my shoulder, whispering in my ear that was the right thing to do.

Once I realized how crazy it was to think that it was OK for this type of thing to be happening, I gathered my strength. I was so afraid, I was shaking, but I told them what they needed to know. He was caught, everything was over... until I had to face my mom. After everything that had happened it was the scariest moment in my life. When they opened the door to let me out to see my mother, it was almost like a dream: I walked out the door and over to my sobbing mother.

As she cried I sat silently, thinking, “How could you, Airiana? You hurt your mom.” If that day had not already been enough, over the next year and a half, things became much worse.

So I tried to take my life. On multiple occasions, I tried but never succeeded but now I see there's a reason for that. God gave me a challenge and even though I felt like I couldn't handle all the bad things going on around me, he knew I could. Ever since 2013, the day that my step-father confessed what he’d done, my life has begun to get better. Before he confessed, he kept lying to the court, and he kept lying to my mom saying how could he have done this. He said I made it all up and that I planned this whole thing out. When I heard the lies he told, I was in complete disbelief . I began to believe that my life would get better. That my life was worth living and that I should live it rather than throw it all away by killing myself.

This whole ordeal has changed my life in both positive and negative ways. I have become closer to God and accepting the plan He has for me. Even though I have lost my innocence in this tragic event I have learned to forgive. I have learned to not let the judgment of other people affect my decisions. The reason why I say this is because I let the influence of other people affect how I wanted to take care of this bad situation. Honestly, I shouldn't of let other people’s influence impact such a big thing like this. My decision is to never let it happen again.