Life gets rough sometimes, we have all been there. One minute you are going about your day, and the next you may not be feeling like yourself. It is almost like you drifted off to sleep and you are in the middle of a very awkward nightmare.
Everyone says that now is the time to lose yourself. "You are only 19, it is okay to doubt everything about your life." I guess I could agree with you, but that is not what I want to do. I do not want to lose myself. I like who I am. I am my own person with my unique personality and sense of interests. I do not want to be anyone else. I am me.
No matter what (as hard as it may seem), you will always be you, even when you lose yourself. The reasoning behind it is that you will always find your way back. Maybe not back to the you that you began with, but a newer and improved version of you.
I will continue to be this outgoing ray of sunshine. I will always love music and have a passion for what I love. I will stop to pet dogs on the sidewalk, pick a flower that I think is beautiful and give it to a friend, put my love out there for others that may need it. The important parts of me will always be there.
There will be nights where you lay awake in your bed, staring at the ceiling wondering what is going wrong. It is easy to try and find an excuse for the things that may not sound reasonable. I have no reason to change who I am, but why am I? It is hard to know that answer, so all you can do is pray that you are changing for the better. In a few months, you will be in the same position. Staring at the ceiling as you ponder your life. Then you will realize that you like who you are now better. Maybe nothing drastic has changed. The biggest changes in your life may just be the smallest changes you notice.
A few months ago it was like I was a bystander in my own life. I was standing off to the side, watching life hit me. Every obstacle possible was being thrown at me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. No matter how hard I tried, life was just not going my way. In the end though, that was fine. Even if I didn't realize it.
I grew as a person. That is why I am not mad about what life was throwing at me. I was losing myself and did not know how to get back to the daily rotation of life. Just letting it happen was one of the most torturous things I could have done, but that is what I did. Now, I am stronger mentally. I have learned how to not let people push me around, and I am eternally grateful that I lost myself for a while only to become stronger.
I am who I am. I'm just a better me.