I wasn't ready for the news my mom tearily delivered to me the day I arrived home from my honeymoon: "Honey, she passed." I don't think anyone is ever ready for that kind of news, despite the fact everyone hears it at some point. It doesn't matter if it was sudden or a slow decline, the death of a beloved family member is incredibly difficult to work through. Here are six things that happened to me when I lost my grandmother:
1. You feel numb.
I had just returned from the happiest place on Earth where I celebrated one of the happiest moments of my life, when I got the news. While I was raw immediately, that feeling quickly morphed into a feeling of nothingness, of emptiness. When we as humans lose someone who was an integral part of our lives, an incredible void is created which can take over. For some, this feeling quickly passes but for others the feeling can grasp on for weeks, months, and even years. It is important to realize that there is no time limit on feeling numb, and it is a valid response to such a loss. However, there exists strategies to bring feeling back and allowing oneself to feel and process is an important step in the grieving process. Consider writing feelings out in a journal or having a conversation with a loved one.
2. You are constantly reminded of her.
Have you ever cried about a bowl of soup? I have, because vegetable soup is something my grandmother made often and loved dearly. When my mom talked about craving it, we were both reminded of her and it caused us to become emotional. This happens frequently following the passing of a loved one. Sometimes it's a food, other times it's a scent such as that of a perfume she often wore and other times it's an event, such as Christmas. These reminders are difficult to come to terms with, but they are a gift that reminds us of all the happy times we have had with our loved one.
3. Your relationships with certain people deepen.
Following the announcement of a death in the family, one can expect a flood of condolences. While all those reaching out mean well, there are an inevitable few that you will really find helpful in processing what happened. Those who have gone through similar situations offer first hand perspective on what to expect in the coming days and coming years. Relationships with these people grow deeper as a result, even if you never really felt close to them before.
4. You experience a lot of firsts.
Of course, there is going to be the first birthday without her and the first Thanksgiving without her and even the first Memorial Day without her; But those are not the only firsts. One of the most difficult firsts I went through is my first apartment that my grandmother will not visit. I am currently spending the majority of my time in a place my grandmother never saw, much less spent time in, like my last apartment. I moved just over a month after she passed, and while all moves are no fun, this move was the worst.
5. You start to return to a new kind of normal.
It is never going to be like it was before, and you know that, but things start to go back to a new kind of normal. Following the death, there is the funeral and memorials and food... so much food. Eventually, though, you go back to school or work. You settle into a routine again. It isn't the same, but it is familiar, and that can be very comforting. But despite this return to normal...
6. You never go a day without thinking about her.
And you never will. At first, it is all you can think about when a loved one passes away. There isn't a single moment that doesn't revolve around the person you lost. Thankfully, this subsides but you will still find yourself thinking about her throughout the day. Some days are more emotional than others, but you will always cherish the memories you made.
