To lose a parent without them actually be gone is hardship some of us are faced with, the fact that they are still physically here but mentally and emotionally gone is hard to handle.

Growing up you always believe that your parents are indestructible, that nothing bad could ever happen to them because they were perfect in your eyes. You looked up to them, wanting to be like them one day, wanting to help mom cook in the kitchen, or help dad work on the car. Our parents were so perfect, so strong, and so loving.

Parents make one of the biggest impacts on our lives, they help to shape and guide us into the person we've become. Sometimes mothers and fathers are more than just parents, they become a best friend. My dad is one of my best friends, growing up he was always my biggest fan and rock to lean on.

But then for some of us, the day comes where our parent or parents are sliding down a steep slope, and nothing in our power can seem to help them get out of that downward spiral. It is very challenging to watch someone you love especially a parent fall into a black hole they can’t seem to escape. What happened to my indestructible father? Where did he go? Will he ever come back?

As your child, I can show you all the love in the world because you taught me how to give all the love in the world, you raised me. Sadly, I cannot drag you up out of that black hole, sadly, you have to find the strength to do that on your own, but I promise I’ll be there waiting at the top..

I’ve done my begging and pleading with the Lord for some time now, praying that things will get better, praying for my father back. I keep waiting for that day to come, the day where everything and everyone goes back to how it was always supposed to be. If that day never comes I will hold onto the good memories, the hockey games, the boat rides, and most of all the way you made me feel like the most special little girl in the world.

The past year has been heartbreaking and agonizing. somedays i see a glimpse of the parent i know and love, other days i question how it could

I will keep waiting, i promise i will not give up on you, you never gave up on me during times of struggle. I still have so many plans that involve you, i still need a father to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, i still need a grandfather for my future children, i still need you, and i am not ready to let that go.

Whether you feel like you are losing a parent due to addiction, mental illness, distance, or any other reason, try to stay positive. Remember the good times and not the bad, and remember that this is not for you to fix.