From A 21-Year-Old With The Mind Of An 80-Year-Old, Life Without Memories Is Tough

From A 21-Year-Old With The Mind Of An 80-Year-Old, Life Without Memories Is Tough

Life without these memories is really tough and I just want to know why I cant ever seem to remember things well.

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Have you ever had instances when you were unable to remember what you needed to? Ever been taking a test and studied for hours on end but still couldn't remember that very specific thing you were studying? Tried to remember memories of yourself from a few days ago or a few years ago or of others but you weren't able to? Thats what I have to deal with daily.

I am 21 years old and I have the mind of an 80 year old, I can hardly remember what I did a few hours ago sometimes and that seriously sucks. I am constantly asked about my childhood and things that have happened and I have to think really really hard in order for me to even remember small pieces of it. Most of the time I have to ask about a certain situation or have it described to me in order for me to even remember a small amount of it and even then it sometimes doesn't even work.

I think that when people tell me things that I don't remember I just sort of make up a scenario in my head. This is the same with photos, I view photos from my childhood and make up stories of what I thought happened and assume the outcomes. When I am asked about certain events that I don't recall such as a birthday or about my grandparents I have to think very hard in order to even remember a small glimpse of the memory.

Recently I had a person very close to me pass away, everyone was speaking about how they remember the first time they met them and I was at a loss for words. I couldn't recall that, or most memories I had from my time with this person and it made me very sad. I had to ask my boyfriend how I first told him I loved him and that one really hurt because I can hardly remember anything but that was something I should have REALLY remembered.

When I tell stories to people I get told that I am wrong about them and that the story went a different way, that is what I deal with when I cant remember exactly what happened in my life. That really hurts because I don't want my friends and family to think I am lying or that I cant remember important things that have happened or that I am lying. Life without these memories is really tough and I just want to know why I cant ever seem to remember things well.

One thing I am decent at remembering are birthdays, and names for the most part as well as faces. Oh and when I have been hurt or when something really amazing has happened to me in my life. Either way it is very important to address this situation, please tell me that I am not alone in this. I feel so lost and just wish that I was able to understand why I am so young yet have one of the worst memories of anyone I've ever met. It scares me.

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You Are NOT Enough

We will never be enough, but God is always more than enough.

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Society and even the church seem to constantly encourage us with the saying "You are enough," and their intentions behind this statement are totally innocent. Something about this phrase has always bothered me, though, but I never understood why. In a sermon I heard one Wednesday night a week or so ago, the verses Proverbs 30:7-9 were used, and these verses stood out to me in a big way.

Proverbs 30:7-9

7 "Two things I ask of you, Lord;
do not refuse me before I die:
8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
9 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the Lord?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.

The speaker was specifically focusing on verses 7-8, but the Holy Spirit kept drawing me to verse 9, even days and weeks after. So I decided to dig into it. This verse focuses on Agur (the speaker in the passage) and his tendency to sin. When he asked God to provide "only [his] daily bread," and then when he continued on to speak about the specific sins he was afraid of committing, Agur was completely and wholly surrendering his struggles with temptation and sin to God, because Agur knew he couldn't do it on his own.

Aren't we all like Agur? Because we are human, we mess up all the time and fall into sin more than we would like to admit, and many times because of this, we fall into guilt and shame. This is because, on our own, we aren't enough. If we were enough on our own, we wouldn't sin. If we were enough on our own, we would be able to save ourselves. If we were enough on our own, we wouldn't need God. But none of those statements are true, are they? In fact, it is the exact opposite because God is enough, he calls us out of sin. Because God is enough, He sent Jesus to save us from our sin. Because God is enough, He is with us in every situation because we call to Him.

How do we know that we aren't enough? Because no one is!

Every human sins, even great heroes of faith. David, one of the most well-known biblical figures: the one who killed Goliath and one of the ancestors of Jesus Christ, said in Psalm 51:5--

Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

The beauty in realizing that you aren't enough on your own is that you don't have to be! Never in the Bible does God call us to be "enough!" He never expected us to be enough because it is impossible. God does call us to depend on Him, though. This is because God is ultimately more than enough. When we depend on God to help us keep away from sin and put in the work necessary to keep away from sin, it will be much easier. We will never be enough, but if we continuously search for our identity in worldly things and not Christ, we will be upset when we realize that we are not enough. Guess what, though, when we find our identity in what Christ says about us, we will find peace and hope because just like 2 Corinthians 12:9 says:

9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

God is the only one who is enough. When we depend on God for everything we will begin to see that HE is enough, and that's all we need.

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Getting Through The Last Half Of The Semester As Told By Kelly Clarkson Lyrics

"Let's wake up in the afternoon pretend that we got nothing to do."

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The last 6-7 weeks of the semester as always the hardest to get through. Especially, if you're a senior who will never be back in a classroom after this. Here are some lyrics by Kelly Clarkson that will remind you that you're almost there:

1. "What doesn't kill you makes you STRONGER."

All these last few assignments and tests may feel completely pointless but remember, these things are only getting you one step closer to your diploma.

2. "Wanna feel the warm breeze. Sleep under a palm tree. Feel the rush of the oceanGet onboard a fast train. Travel on an jet plane, far away."

Pretty much everyday during class I just think about all the places I'd rather be. Like on a beach!

3. "No one can hold me back, I ain’t got time for that."

No matter what curve balls your professor throws at you, you don't care and just keep going.

4. "But you pay, you pay for it. You can't win, no."

Even though we pay for it and pay to be here, professors still try to act like we are in high school.

5. "For all I know is nothing's changed. Nothing ever will if I don't leave this place."

We are so burnt out at this point and know that our happiness will only return once these last few weeks are done.

6. "Oh, this is killing me. I need you to see, that somethings gotta change."

When your professor has 3 papers, 2 exams, a group project and whatever else due by the end of the semester...

7.  "Let's wake up in the afternoon pretend that we got nothing to do."

How you feel every morning when trying to get out of bed for class.

8. "Oh, I'm getting tired of believing. Even sicker of pretending. That it's not so bad, just wait it out."

All these years you have told your self that this isn't that bad or that it's almost over. But now that it is almost over your done telling yourself it's not that bad.

9. "Putting up with all the bullshit, it made me strong enough to do this."

Dealing with everything that has caused you to have setbacks or struggle, have only made you prepared to push through this last stretch.

10. "But Since you been gone I can breathe for the first time."

That final day of classes will be the best feeling. No more stress, it's all over.

It's the home stretch, you're almost there. You got this!

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