The Stages Of Losing A Friend
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The Stages Of Losing A Friend

I still miss you

40
The Stages Of Losing A Friend
Desiring God

It only took one thing...but it only ever takesone thi2ng, right? You know that one thing that I'm talking about. After it takes place, nothing is ever the same between you and your friend again. Conversations get shorter, the mood changes, you stop making plans to hang qout together and the next thing you know it's been months since you've seen or heard from them. You look back at what happened to your friendship and the questions keep adding up but nothing is making sense.

You're trying to remember where it all went wrong and your mind keeps taking you back to that "one thing." It's different for everyone. Maybe it was miscommunication or distance or betrayal. Maybe you lost your friend to someone else, maybe they changed or maybe your souls were just not attached anymore. People change. People grow apart. That's okay.

At first, I was angry. I didn't understand why or how you could put our friendship in danger so easily the way you did. I was angry at you, angry at myself, the situation, and the world. I remember the way my hands started to sweat and my face turned red every time you crossed my mind. I felt guilty for some reason and I soon started blaming myself for what happened. I somehow felt like it was my fault. That's when the sadnesshit.

My pillow was wet almost every night until I ran out of tears. I was depressed and confused. I didn't understand how the person I trusted the most could hurt me in such a way that would scar me for life. I couldn't make sense of what I was feeling for almost a year. I hated waking up and reliving my new reality but sometimes going to sleep was worse. Nightmares invaded my dreams and formed them into streaks of darkness that wrapped around my neck just a little too tightly. I woke up with tears in my eyes, trying to catch my breath. I suddenly missed all of your texts and our phone calls that lasted way too long. I never realized how much time we spent together until the day that we didn't.

Our pictures still fill my room and take space up on my phone. While seeing them made me sad, getting rid of them definitely hurt worse, so I left them there as silent reminders to enjoy who is in my life right now. When we were friends, I knew that if I needed you, you would be there. No matter where you were or what you were doing I could always count on you. Looking back now, maybe I took advantage of that. I didn't realize how blessed I was to have you. It didn't matter what it was that was bothering me. It never did. If it mattered to me, it mattered to you. How could I be okay with losing a friendship like that? It's been about two years since everything changed and I lost a friend to a lustful urge he could no longer keep.

Reality didn't kick in until right around six months ago. It came slowly but it came strong like poison in my veins. We could never be friends like we used to be. It would never be the same and there was nothing I could do about it and a better part of me doesn't want to do anything about it. We both changed so much over the last two years but we weren't there to grow with each other. I finally realized that we just can't be in each others lives. I cannot pick up the phone and call you the way I used to and thats hard for me but it's also okay.

I miss you from time to time and I'll probably always miss you. I'm sorry we had to part ways and I want you to know that I pray for you all the time. I finally knowpeace. I am no longer angry or sad or confused. People change and that's okay. People grow up, people freak out, we change courses and we decide who we are is not who we want to be. We lose friends-that is okay. The good thing? We gain friends too. I'll always miss you dear friend but our friendship showed me that anything can change at any moment, without warning and sometimes without cause. I wish you all the happiness in the world. I will be rooting for you from a distance.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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