I’ve heard time and time again that the hardest thing a child could possibly go through is the loss of a parent. And while yes, that is true, there is more that factors into it. Losing a parent at 15, 18, 22 or 46 could not compare to losing a parent before even beginning your life. Though the loss may seem tougher when you’re older and actually realize what you’re losing, at least you were given the opportunity to spend those wonderful, golden years with them.

Losing my father at 17 was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and will always be one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. And while I still think about him every day and wish he could see where I am now, I am forever grateful for being given the opportunity to spend the first 17 years of my life with the most amazing father a girl could ever ask for. When I see children losing parents at the young ages of one-four, I feel sorry for them in ways I could never feel sorry for myself. Who is going to be the first man in their lives? The man who unnecessarily wards off every other man who tries to come near them? And who is going to stand up for them when their mother stubbornly insists against something? Who’s going to let them get away will all of these things?

I look back at all of the things my father has done for me and all of the things he has taught me, and I know that I would not be half the person I am today if it had not been for him. I wish every day that he was still here to watch me succeed and encourage me to do my best, but I could not be more grateful to have been raised by such an inspiring, intelligent man. Although I was never given the chance to thank him for everything he’s done for me (even though some of it I definitely did not agree with) I appreciated him every day of my life and can only hope he saw that. Through my father, I learned the value of selflessness and that though something may not benefit me, I should do it for the people I love anyway.

I have countless memories of my father taking my sister, mother, and me to the mall just to follow us around while we shop and wait outside the store until it was time to pay. The agony that must have come with these trips did not hit me until later on, and neither did the reason he chose to do it. But now I get it. I've also learned the value of education and the importance of doing what you love. He taught me never to compare myself to other people, especially my ridiculously intelligent older sister. He taught me to focus solely on making myself better. Even though he would get incredibly mad at me when I brought back grades lower than an 85 and he would refuse to sign them, and even though I cried and tried to run away from home every time he did this, I knew in the back of my mind that one day I would thank him. And here I am, years later, still crying over anything lower than an 85 (for different reasons, of course).

I also can’t forget to mention everything he has given to me. And I’m not just talking about the necessities. My father (though he refused to spoil me and buy me things I wanted but didn't need like a trampoline and a Tamagotchi 2) always went above and beyond to provide my sister and me with things we wanted even though we, frankly, could have lived without them. Whether it was throwing us an extra $20 when we went to the mall with our friends or it was finally giving in to my begging about getting my ears pierced, he always tried his absolute best to make me and the rest of my family happy.

Now, two and a half years after he passed, I look back every single day and think about how blessed I was to have been raised by such an incredible person. Actually, I shouldn’t say was. I am so blessed because he has given me countless memories, advice and experiences that I can carry with me for the rest of my life. I look back on all of the ridiculous things he’s done for me, like sitting outside my job for 40 minutes waiting to pick me up, or just chauffeuring me and my friends around in general, and I am not sure how I would have survived without him.

Every now and then, I stop and think of the moments that he isn't going to be there for. He isn't going to watch me graduate from the school he wanted me to go to most. But then again, who gave me the motivation and willpower to get into this school? He isn't going to be there to walk me down the aisle. Although, isn't he the one who taught me to set my standards high and never settle for less than I deserve? He isn't ever going to meet my children. But, would I even be able to handle children of my own if I hadn't grown up with such a fantastic role model?

So while, yes, losing a parent at any age is one of the hardest things to go through, I am lucky to have had the father I did while I did, and to be able to look back on the memories we have built together. I would much rather honor my father than grieve his loss. I would rather look back on the 17 years I got to spend with him with sheer happiness and appreciation. My father made me the person I am today and for that, I thank him.