And the Oscar goes to…….. me! Oh, you were expecting some phenomenal Hollywood actress weren’t you? Someone like Jennifer Lawrence, or Emma Stone or maybe even Shailene Woodly, but no, it’s me. It’s been me probably since I was fourteen years old.

People look at me and see a normal twenty-five year old woman trying to make a life for herself, find love and have a happy life. I wish that was the least of my worries. I’ve had migraines since I was about five years old. Not that anyone knew what they were when I was getting them then, because who is going to believe a five year old could get a migraine?

My parents didn’t really know what to think when their daughter told them that her head hurt and she saw the Cheeto guy. Yea that was my aura when I was little. For anyone who doesn’t know what an aura is, it's any type of sign your body gives you that a migraine attack is coming, it literally could be anything. Most people see spots or lose vision in one or both of their eyes but me I saw that stupid Cheeto guy, so it was hard for my parents to realize what was happening to me.

Since I was a teen my migraines have only gotten worse, especially after the multitude of concussions I received playing sports during middle school and high school and even college. I eventually stopped playing sports altogether because my head was so bad. I think honestly since I was around fifteen years old there have maybe been a years worth of days I haven’t had a migraine. That’s ten years and out of that only 365 days with no head pain what so ever.

So here’s why I win the Oscar for best actress, it’s because I fake being well everyday of my life. A lot of people live like this in the world and “normal” people, by normal I mean people with no physical pain or disability in their lives, have no idea because we are so good at pretending. It’s not just people with migraines, others with various types of illnesses and diseases fake being well on a daily basis just to survive. We just take it day by day. Making it through each day is a victory for us.

Not everyone is as lucky as I am to have their family to support them while they trying to figure out not only their life, but also how to work through the pain. I wake up every morning feeling like a railroad spike has been driven through my head. Add uncontrollable nausea, blurred vision, dizziness, body aches, sound and light sensitivity you have a cocktail for one massive migraine that’s not going away anytime soon. And that pain stays with me throughout the whole day. I haven’t been under a level six on the pain scale in probably a year and a half now. And don't even get me started on how many times I've had to go to the emergency room.

I’ve had to skip out on trips with friends, parties, and family outings. I’ve lost countless friends who don’t understand why I can’t go out or don’t understand how one second I can be ok and then the next BAM! The migraine train hits and have to go home. My worst realization, I think, is that it also has damaged some of my romantic relationships. But enough with the bad, there have been a few awesome nerds that stuck with me since middle school. Plus there are others who despite my illness have stayed friends with me through college as well. They may not understand the pain but they get when I can’t keep going or want to have a quiet night in instead of partying.

Then there’s my family who are some of the most amazing people I have ever met. Every single one of them is supportive and understanding and really tries to get where I’m coming from. This isn’t just in my immediate family; this is my extended family as well, and on both sides! I guess that’s the one thing I did really really get lucky in is my family, they are my rock through every thing and anything.

But the best thing? I found a woman who understands me, not just my illness and the limitations I have, but also who I am. She knows I am not my illness. She know I am silly despite all the pain. And she knows when I need to rest. On top of all that she sacrifices so much of her free time to be with me, even its just laying in a dark room. I'm pretty darn lucky to have found her, have my phenomenal friends and amazing family. Well that's all for now. I think I’m just going to go polish up all my Oscars, until next time.

Sammie

Originally posted on my site chronic reader.com 9/28/16