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Marriage Is Great But It's Not The Best

Not even marriage could ever completely satisfy us.


You know what I think is wonderful? Marriage. A lot of people will say marriage is hard. And it's true. It is hard, but it's also really lovely. Marriage in itself is one of the most beautiful, sacred pieces of life. A covenant that declares an everything-ness with one person, a sharing of truly everything- of schedule, of bed, of kisses, of laughs, of one another. When you say yes, you're literally saying, "Yes. I'd like to do everything with you, in all the places, all the time. Ready, go."

Sometimes I'll glance up at Nolan and just in awe that I'm allowed to do this. Like, I get to wake up and there he is, I can hug him anytime I want, I can bear all of my tears in front of him, I can tell him anything.

I just can't believe that I am allowed to let another know me so fully.

What a privilege to be known.

And once to be known, to be loved.

Ultimately, I think this is what everyone is longing for. Someone to truly know them. To be appreciated in their fullness and slowly unraveled from bookend to bookend. And then after everything is said and done, to have that someone look you in the eyes and say, 'Yes, you are exactly what I'm looking for.'

Even in the tightest, most open, most caring and forgiving marriage, or any relationship really, there will still be points of disappointment. There'll be moments of hurt and disbelief, moments of humility and perseverance. Moments when that person you share everything with, will let you down.

And this is why it isn't the best.

Marriage is the deepest union on earth, and yet even marriage cannot fulfill our deepest needs or satisfaction as human beings. There'll be moments when the gaps of our humanity will bear full sunlight and it will be clear that we as humans cannot 'complete each other.'

I remember in our second month of marriage, I was standing in our living room with big, plump tears rolling out of my eyes. Nolan had let me down. I can't even remember what he did, or maybe didn't do. The one thing I do remember, though, was the combination of my high expectations and his humanity, all resulting in a very vivid disappointment when he didn't meet them. I had placed Nolan on a pedestal, and in a way, was expecting more of him than he could offer. Nolan was never made for me. He was never made to complete me. This is not his destiny or his sole purpose. Nolan was made for something a lot bigger than me; he was made for Someone who could love him to full capacity, and so was I.

The only best, the only perfection, and the only hope that I or Nolan can fully know and rely on without any anticipation of disappointment, without separation, is with Jesus. A man that lived grace knew humanity to its worst degree, and yet still chose to bear a brutal death so that He could enter into a relationship with me. So that He could, in all of His knowledge, tell me, "Yes, you are exactly what I'm looking for." So that I could then give him every piece of myself, allowing Him to transform me. He is the best thing for us.

"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you" Isaiah 43: 1-4

This, my friend, is the best relationship you could ever have.

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I'm Scared To Ask Boys To Hang Out Because Society Has Led Me To Believe That I'll Seem Desperate

Ladies, would you ask a man out?


Let's get this all out, I'm an anxious person. I suffer from "slight" anxiety, I wouldn't say it's horrible, but I deal with it. Nerves, it's something I'm quite familiar with in life, nerves and I are friends, actually. I've dealt with "slight" anxiety for years and it has stopped me from doing many things, which I regret. My "slight" anxiety has reappeared once again in the situation involving the male gender.

I'm not going to act as I've never talked to boys before because I have and it's not the scariness things for me, but when it involves boys I like, it's a whole new situation. Once I start developing any sort of feelings for boys I like, I turn into an anxious mess. That over-thinking, can't say the right words, too scared to embarrass myself anxious mess.

Well recently, that anxious feeling mess of myself has undoubtedly come back to life in some shape or form with this one particular boy. I think it's time to dive into Aby's semi-complicated by not really complicated sort of, just being dramatic love life. So, there's this boy that I've found attractive for quite a while, it's great to admire from afar. I always knew he was there, we were friendly, and nothing really came from that until recently.

In the past month or so this boy has been giving me the most mixed signals I've ever had in my lifetime. Do you like me? Do you not? Are you flirting with me? Ae you just being friendly? I've liked many boys in my time, but I've never thought so much about what this one particular boy and what his deal is? It's been over a month and I still can't figure him or it out, so I've been thinking of doing something every girl is somewhat afraid of, asking a boy to hang out.

I know, it sounds so small and sort of dumb, but doing something like this petrifies and turns me into a nervous, anxious mess. I'll be one hundred percent honest that I want a summer fling, someone to do all those fun things together without the commitment of a boyfriend. It's the beginning of summer, which means I need to start sorting my options out right now.

Here's the issue, I want to ask him to hang out, but I'm scared to ask because I don't want to seem desperate at all. Society has led us to believe that men should be asking girls out instead of vice-versa. In all honesty, it's a bit messed up, but I've been led to believe that "guys ask girls out". So, I've always waited to be asked out because that's what society has taught me and that's what I've allowed.

Now, I'm preparing myself to ask this boy to hang out and I'm getting quite anxious, all the possibilities. What if he doesn't like me? Thinks I'm ugly? Figures out that I can't drive? Hates me? Thinks I'm annoying, oh gosh, the endless possibilities. One thing I know is that I have to try, so I'm going to be bold and ask him to hang out.

It's scary, I'm scared, but I'll never know if I don't try, which is true. Life is filled with mysteries and you won't know if you don't look, right? So, I'm going to get over my anxiety and just try, wish me luck in attempting to ask this boy to hang out.

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