All of my lady Facebook friends are either married, getting married, or having children. I myself am included in the category of getting married. The biggest trend among my friends is that they all had relatively long dating lives, then relatively short engagements. They got married quickly, and there's nothing at all wrong with getting married within months of getting engaged.
However, I'm really jealous.
I'm jealous because I have chosen to have a long engagement with my current fiancé, John, and we are nowhere near close ready to get married yet. And it isn't for lack of trying, either. We chose to have a long engagement because we both wanted to figure things out before planning a huge wedding. We both wanted to try and pursue degrees, gain employment, and establish some sort of financial security before trying to be together forever and ever.
We both wanted to have every opportunity we could get to succeed before we had to fight all of our good fights in life together.
We chose to do that, and I don't feel bad about it. Slightly jealous of the short engagements, sure, but I have no regrets about the choice we made together...
You see, having a long engagement has a lot of benefits:
Financially speaking, in the long run, it's cheaper to throw a wedding after a few years of planning, rather than a few months. You learn about the process of throwing a huge party, and you learn how to use your resources effectively. You have a long time to change your mind on a dozen things, and you have the opportunity to make changes that you wouldn't have otherwise if you were planning a wedding in a few months. You have a long time to completely DIY your wedding so that it ends up being a beautiful, cheap wedding.
Again, in the long run, it's less expensive to wait and really plan your wedding and honeymoon.
Relationship wise, you have a bigger opportunity to get to know your fiancé even more than you already did. You learn where you fit within this new family you're going into. You have a greater opportunity to learn how to love your fiance in a way that dating never could, and you get to learn how your fiance will ask for love and how he or she will love you (this concept is called learning your love languages).
It will allow you to grow closer together and learn how to work together. You learn how to live together, even if you won't be living together until right after you come home from your honeymoon. You learn more about each other in a long engagement.
As I've said before, there's nothing wrong with a short engagement. Sometimes, I wish that we had chosen to go that route. However, I am blessed in knowing that because I am growing more and more with my fiance, and I am confident that by the grace of God we will have as strong of a relationship that we will ever have.
John and I have such a long way to go. We're already two years into our engagement, and we won't be getting married for at least another three. That's not a curse, it's an absolute blessing. I thank God every day that I have someone as patient as he is.
