This is probably one of the cheesiest and arguably most obnoxious “inspirational” quotes out there. Yet, after being multiple time zones away from my boyfriend for 7 months, I can attest that this quote holds validity. The question most of you are probably thinking – whether in a long distance relationship or about to go into one – is how? How on earth can a relationship grow without physically seeing, holding, or consistently talking to your partner?

Well, I must begin by stating that it isn’t easy. There will be ups and there most certainly will be downs… probably more than you are used to. Nevertheless, not only will you grow together, but you will be put in situations and have to deal with things that you otherwise might not have. By the end of it, the relationship will be stronger than it was for a couple different reasons.

1. If you know you can get through the distance, then you can get through anything.

Why is that? For a number of reasons. First, you have to get through the absence of a physical connection. No more hugs, no more hand holding, no more sitting next to each other to watch a movie. Instead, you have to communicate via Viber/Whatsapp, FaceTime, or Skype…all of which are nothing like being with someone in person. Especially with texting, there is no way to see the other person smile or laugh, you can’t tell if something you said has offended or annoyed them, and most of all you can’t see their body language. These are all things that play hand in hand with communication

2. You gain lessons in communication and become stronger due to it.

I argue that long distance couples will have to try harder than couples living in the same vicinity. Why? Because even though couples that have daily interactions than couples in a long distance relationship, those who are farther away will have more meaningful conversations. Instead of daily conversations of “how was school?” “How was your day?” “How is work?” etc. those farther away will ask these same questions and go even deeper because the phone and the computer are the only means by which you can communicate. You don’t have the luxury of getting lazy or getting into a routine as it sometimes happens when you see the same person day after day. Being in two different time zones complicates communication even more.

I won’t lie, having a 7 hour time difference in the summer, and now having a 5 hour time difference with my partner has been tough. My morning was always his night, and my night was always his morning. At first this was difficult for me because I would go an entire day having new experiences and doing new things and I wouldn’t hear from him at all because he was still asleep. Then, once he finally woke up it would already be my evening.

It made me feel separated from him and never on the same page. But, you can get around this by setting some type of schedule, a routine that works for both of you. Set a Skype date that you can both look forward to, find a certain time in both of your days that you know you will be free. It takes extra effort to make your significant other not feel neglected, but it’s more than worth it in the end.

3. You learn about commitment and if your partner is just as committed as you.

In today’s generation, more and more people are involved in the “hookup” culture, with no commitment, no attachment, and no responsibilities. It has become easier for people to break things off the minute it gets hard. In a long distance relationship you have to be 100% in. It sounds obvious, but all too often this is the hardest thing to do. Why? To begin with, your partner is going to be spending their time with new people. People that aren’t going to be you. And, spending time and building experiences with your significant other has always been key to any relationship.

Well, in a long distance relationship that can’t exactly happen, and if you and your partner aren’t 100% committed and honest, then your relationship is going to have a lot of problems. Jealously and mistrust leads to tension, paranoia, and aggression. The most rewarding thing that my boyfriend has given me is to never feel constrained. I have neither felt guilty about going out, meeting new people, attending social gatherings, or talking to different men. Nor have I felt worried, scared, or nervous about what he was up to. Yes, commitment is terrifying, but being thousands of miles away and not having to worry is liberating and is worth getting over the initial hurdle of commitment.

4. It’s not just about being physical.

This relates to my first point of having an absence of physical connection, and with my last point about the current “hookup” culture that is prevalent today. You don’t have someone that you can call late at night to come over or have “friends with benefits” because you will have no benefits at all. Too many times I have seen friends get hurt or cry over someone because of this exact reason. What brought them together was solely physical, it was intense and it was passionate. However, this leads to doubts, worries, and superficiality.

When you physically can’t do anything except talk over the phone or computer, it solidifies that your partner doesn’t just have one agenda. They aren’t keeping you around for a physical reason. You in turn have more meaningful conversations, you talk about an array of subjects, and you appreciate the hugs and hand holding when you can finally get them.

5. You learn that you can, in fact, live without your partner.

This sounds like a contradiction at first, but let me explain. Everyone has that friend, or knows that couple that lose their independence in the relationship. The couple turns into one person and they became an extension of the other. They seem to do everything together, but in a routine-like way. They don’t hang out with you anymore. They don’t partake in exciting adventures. The initial spark and excitement has clearly gone out and you wonder if they could ever live without the other (and I don’t mean this in a good way) Long distance relationships force you both to be independent, perhaps even more than you were before. Each of you meet and create new friends, social circles, etc. You are able to be true to who you are. In turn, and in part with being committed to each other, you will always have new things to talk about. The spark and excitement will stay, and you won’t have routine and mundane things to do or talk about. You will learn things not only about yourself, but about your partner as well. Preserving your own independence is key, as I find too many people, especially women, losing themselves in the relationship. You were your own person before you entered into the relationship, never forget that.

Ultimately, you find whether your significant other is “really worth it”. After all is said and done, I know that long distance isn’t for everyone. Not everyone will make it, and you may end up with a broken heart. Still, if you are able to survive being in a long distance relationship, you will reap more benefits than you thought you ever could. You might not be able to be with your significant other all the time, so learning to adjust will allow you to both grow together. You leave with more perspectives and you gain valuable experience for what the future might have in store. Distance does make the heart grow fonder. Being in a long distance relationship has solidified that he is worth it, and that I will always put in the effort to make it work. It has made me appreciate and value everything he has done for me, and in the end, I have come to realize just how much love there is between us.

“People get from books the idea that if you find the right person you may expect to go on ‘being in love forever.’ As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change – not realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last…[but] if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest.”
~C.S. Lewis