Iffy about going into college when you're in a relationship with someone halfway across the country? Read these tips to find out how to handle the miles you spend apart.
We all know the stereotypes of long distance relationships in college: they won’t last past Thanksgiving break of freshman year. It’s true that long distance relationships can be a little trickier to juggle than living right down the street from your boyfriend or girlfriend, but they are definitely easier than everyone makes them out to be, and completely manageable as long as equal efforts are made on both sides. Before leaving for my freshman year, people constantly told me that a long distance relationship "probably wouldn’t last." My boyfriend went to a school five hours away from mine, and yet what everyone said was not the case: we made it work easily. So, if you’re fearing the fact that your own relationship will be hard to manage due to distances from schools or jobs, ignore the stereotypes and read the tips that we have found to be helpful from our own experience.
1.) Tell Each Other the Little Things: I know this sounds silly, but little things are what make up the whole day. Even if it seems insignificant, telling each other the small, unimportant details of the day makes you feel closer. For example, something as trivial as the errands you ran or what you’re watching on TV can really make you forget about the distance, because it gives you a more in-depth image of the person’s daily life. In my opinion, the hardest part of being in a long distance relationship is having the feeling that you never really know about what is going on in the other person’s life; after all, days are rarely constructed of big, exciting events. The way my boyfriend and I solved this was by telling each other small, daily details, even by telling each other your class schedules or describing places you hang out on campus can give you a better mental image of your significant other’s daily life. With that being said, also take time to remember the little details of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s life, such as the due date of a big assignment- so you can ask them about it later. This will make them feel like you are really listening to them and make you both feel that much closer.
2.) Talk Regularly: While you certainly don’t have to talk everyday, it’s definitely important to schedule time to talk every week other than a few texts here and there. Real conversation, such as a phone call or video chat, is much more personal than text messaging because you can actually have a real, uninterrupted conversation. My boyfriend and I choose to Skype or FaceTime when we talk, because seeing each other really helps to feel like you’re actually together. Don’t worry if you can’t message each other often during the day, it should be understood that you’re both busy, and talking on the phone a few times a week makes up for it. Besides, if you save most of your conversation for a phone call or video chat, it gives you much more to talk about than if you simply text all the time.
3.) Make it a Commitment: Although you do not have to talk everyday, it is still important to remember that you are in a relationship. Schedule in advanced when you are taking time to call or video chat, and then stick to these plans. Regard a phone call as though it is concrete plans and follow through with it. And while sometimes life gets in the way and you’ll have to cancel, try to stick to your word most of the time. After all, remember that you are still in a relationship and it’s important to still treat it as a commitment, no matter how far apart you are from each other.
4.) Make Time for Yourself: It’s important to make time to talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend, but it’s equally important to spend time doing what makes you happy, even if it makes your schedule a little busier or gives you less time to talk. Don’t spend all your time talking to or texting your boyfriend or girlfriend while you’re apart. Instead, turn off your phone and go do other things that make you happy, such as clubs, activities or hanging out with your friends. While your relationship is important, it is equally as important to be your own independent person and do the things that make you happy at your individual schools. For example, don’t pass up the opportunity to join an organization you’re very interested in because you think it’ll take away time you could be spending with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you’re both independently happy while you’re apart, you’ll also be happier when you’re together too, and it will give you plenty of more things to talk about as well.
5.) Plan Ahead for Visits: Planning ahead for when you will visit each other’s schools is a great way to break up what seems like an endless amount of time into manageable chunks of time before you get to see each other. If you know in advanced the dates you’re set to visit, it will make the distance less difficult, but you always have a set time to look forward to. Also, planning enough in advanced allows you to avoid or work around the time conflicts in your busy schedule. Visiting each other’s schools is also a great way to feel closer, because then you are able to envision the campus when your boyfriend or girlfriend tells you about their daily life and friends. You are better able to understand what they are talking about when they tell you about school, and so you will feel less detached and more knowledgeable when you tell each other about your daily routines.
Overall, long distance relationships can be tricky, but they don’t have to be as hard to handle as everyone seems to think they are. If you are patient and take time to really communicate with one another, it can feel like you are hardly far apart at all. What is great about distance relationships in college is it is very possible to be close to your boyfriend or girlfriend while still being independent and making plenty of time to do the activities you enjoy. In the long run, it can really make for a very well rounded, happy relationship that is entirely worth it.
