There is nothing like uttering the word “long-distance” and seeing every person around you shudder in response. While there is some truth to this reaction, and while everyone may tell you that going the distance is a colossal mistake, going long-distance is not the worst thing that could happen to your relationship. In fact, it could be the best thing.

While I wish I could throw out cliché’s – such as, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” or some other overused quote about being apart in distance but not in spirit – these sayings will do nothing but add to the already painfully obvious ordeal laying in front of you. Long-distance is challenging, and I won’t try to coax you out of thinking that. But what I do want to reassure you is that while it may be difficult, and one of the most challenging obstacles your relationship could endure, it has the most rewarding results. Often, people fear what is difficult. We shy away from things that challenge us or put us to the test because we live in fear of the result. The wonderful yet bittersweet aspect of a long-distance relationship is that it will either strengthen your relationship or tear it down. What most people fail to realize is that this is a blessing in disguise. Your relationship, if it is for the long haul through all of life’s difficult moments, should be able to withstand anything, including a few miles' separation. Whether it be ten miles or ten thousand, the right person, the right relationship, and the right dynamic will survive it. That, I can promise you.

So how does something that seems so awful, and truly is sometimes, be the best thing to ever happen to you? Nothing worth having in life will ever come easily. Things that come about in your life quickly and simply are often times fleeting, while things that take effort, determination, and just a little bit of luck tend to last a lifetime. A long-distance relationship will make you work. It will force you to put in effort because without work, there is absolutely nothing keeping you together. Furthermore, you have to want it. The endless phone conversations and time spent apart is fuel for arguments, and without a real connection, and a real desire to keep it going, things will naturally fall apart. However, if you put in that work and you are able to keep that fire between you lit, your relationship will withstand anything, and there will be an appreciation and understanding for each other that surpasses many other relationships of proximity. Not only will you gain a self-awareness about yourself, but about your relationship too. The difficult part about distance is that all of the cracks that happen naturally in any relationship will be amplified by the miles. However, how you choose to embrace, mend, and work through those cracks is what will determine where your relationship goes. While it won’t be simple in any way, your relationship will be stronger because of those experiences.

I won’t lie and tell you that a long-distance relationship is preferable in any way, because being apart from your favorite person in the world is one of the most difficult things to endure. On the other hand, I will tell you that a long-distance relationship that survives has a certain spark in it, a connection that is difficult to find elsewhere. You will learn more about each other than you ever possibly could otherwise – because you have to. Spending so much time apart calls for asking crazy and creative questions, connecting on an emotional level when you’re physically in different places, and making sure that you keep that spark from fizzling. You have to make time for one another, prioritize and, above all, have compassion for each other on the difficult days. The problem most relationships face when taking on distance isn’t the distance itself, but rather the fear of things not being easy. However, if you defeat this fear and embrace the challenges ahead, you will learn so much about the other person in such a different way. Above all, you both will gain a deeper understanding and appreciation for one another.

Furthermore, you will find yourself in ways you could never possibly imagine. There is an unbelievable amount of independence necessary while you are in a long-distance relationship, because it requires you to be able to be on your own while also being connected to someone far away. You’ll have to do things alone quite often, but when you get the chance to do them with that person you love, it will be worth all of the distance. What a long-distance relationship will teach you is that there is so much beauty in the simplest of actions. Getting a coffee together will seem mundane when you are always together, but when thousands of miles separate you, getting coffee will feel special.

The reason so many relationships fail — beyond a possible lack of connection — is that people give up. They get tired of positively pushing themselves and their relationship to new places and cultivating one another’s interests. But when your relationship is spread across the country, you have to make these efforts. You have to inquire about each other, and keep thinking of new ways to continue connecting. It is time for long-distance relationships to stop having a bad name and instilling fear into every relationship that is put to this test. Life has a way of taking everyone in different directions and sometimes we cannot match ourselves up perfectly to the ones that we love, but that is okay. It is okay because if there is truly something there, I promise you it will survive all of the miles in the world. A long-distance relationship is in no way easy, but put in the effort and remind yourself why you are doing this, and I promise you that you will not only find yourself, but you will find what your relationship is truly about. So if you are ever faced with this difficult obstacle in front of you, rather than thinking that this is the worst thing that could possibly happen, remind yourself that this could quite possibly be the best. You have so much ahead of you, and while the road may be bumpy, it will be worth it.