It’s February, which means it’s finally appropriate for businesses to have an explosion of pink and red in at least one corner of the store. Of course, I know stores that have been advertising for Valentine’s Day since New Year’s Day (which, come on. Who is going to buy chocolate a month and a half in advance?). So, with Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, I thought I’d address the type of relationship I’m most familiar with. I mean, after friendship and perpetual singleness: long distance relationships.
I know a lot of people say long distance relationships can’t work and I totally understand why. First, it’s so hard in general to be away from people you care about. It doesn’t matter if it’s your significant other, family, friends; it’s natural to want to be with people you like. And, if you’re like me and pretty picky about you hang out with, it makes it even more important to spend time with the few people I can tolerate. Second, your lives are separate. A friend once told me that a long distance relationship was like being single and that’s pretty accurate. Third, it takes a lot of effort. Relationships in general take effort, but in this case, you can’t simply spend time with them whenever. You have to consciously seek out and plan times to see each other and the spaces in between can stretch for long periods of time. Are you willing to make that commitment?
How can you make a long distance relationship work? Is there any way to actually guarantee making one of these things last? Well, no. No relationship really comes with a guarantee, no 100% success rates. Parents reject their children (and vice versa), friendships fail, couples break up, marriages may end in divorce. Humans change and they change their minds. Which is why, I think, long distance relationships are so hard: you’re both changing, but you’re changing separately. You’re growing separately and it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re growing apart; it just means that you’re different.
There are some things you can do, though, to try to keep your relationship strong and healthy, despite the distance.
Communication is key. This is even easier with technology nowadays. While you can still mail each other love letters if you really want to (they do make nice memories and also good burning material if you break up), you can also text. Call. Video chat on a variety of platforms. Talk about the good, the bad, the small, and the important and everything in between. You don’t have to necessarily be in nonstop contact all day because...you don’t. You’re allowed to have a life outside of your significant other. If your schedule is super busy, then designate times specifically for you two to talk.
Address problems as soon as they come up. For some reason, when distance is involved, making a mountain out of a molehill is super easy. (I will say, though, that if a really big discussion needs to happen, you should do that in person.) Also, you should probably establish ground rules/expectations (e.g. Skyping twice a week, trying to visit every x weeks). There’s so much room for misinterpretation here. Miles, in fact.
Do things “together.” Maybe you have the same favorite TV show. You can wait for a time when you can both watch it. You can read the same book and discuss it. You can even play games (think Words With Friends).
Trust. You have to trust someone an awful lot to be in a long distance relationship. If you don’t trust your significant other, you really shouldn’t be in a relationship, period. But you really shouldn’t be in a long distance relationship if that’s the case.
In the end, I don't know if your long distance relationship is going to go the distance, so to speak. They're difficult. Just remember you have to be really intentional about maintaining/growing the relationship but not make the relationship the only thing in your life. Good luck, my friends.
