I wasn’t always so reclusive. I used to be known as the "social butterfly." I was full of life. Meeting new people was something I absolutely loved. I could go on and on over the phone for hours. I could make conversations. I wore confidence like people wore makeup. When I walked in, everything else stopped while I went about in slow motion. I was unflappable. I was imperative. Today, however, it’s been years and I haven’t engaged in a conversation that runs longer than five minutes. Don’t get me wrong, I still like people. I still do fancy a party every once in a while in spite of the long-drawn-out conversations that drain me dry. But, to be honest, I feel like I am at a better place now.
When I started high school, life just seemed too perfect, just like they show in the movies. But a year into it changed me forever. Out of all the friends I had, most of them were all too busy working their way up the social ladder. I was pretty much up on the scale anyway, I didn’t have to work so hard but then envy took over and I fell right down.
My life went from sunshine and rainbows to dark and menacing. I was manipulated by my very own friends, betrayed and left with self-doubt and negativity. I was attacked until I gave in. I couldn’t fight it. They played the nastiest games at my expense, and I was too blind to see it. They took and took until I cleared out. My grades fell, my confidence elapsed. I lost my edge.
However, years after struggling and finally succeeding, I took a vow. A vow, to go off the script and live the life of a non-conformist, step beyond the fear of being called “the loner.” I walked away from people that served me no good. I grew more sensible, more apart.
Now to all the individuals who can somewhat relate to my back-in-the-day experiences but are still confused, here go a few tactics for a more comprehensive understanding of how manipulation goes down and to help you overcome the decree and ultimately, outmaneuver the manipulators:
Emotional manipulators can be anyone- friend, family or even your boss!
Typically, they are the ones who cannot take no for an answer. Essentially, the lack of self-worth is what usually instigates the behavior. They use your vulnerabilities to hold you psychologically captive. You won’t see it, but you will get a sense of discomfort around the person. It’s that individual who is always trying to talk you into a situation rather than to talk you out. They won’t aim too high and they will make certain you don’t either — they can’t be the only one swimming in the dirty pool.
Stop them right here.
Trust your instinct. If someone’s making you conscious about yourself, you know it’s them. They will sugar coat every word and eventually lure you away from respecting yourself. Don't fall victim to these guilt-laden shenanigans. Call them out on the spot. Make sure to let them know that you know what they think you don’t — but do not waste your time trying to argue or reason with them — you don’t want to end up as one of them.
Go into sleep mode.
Shut down your senses. Don’t let one word go through your head while they speak. It might not have an effect the first time but believe me, with every passing day, you will be losing control over yourself. I think the best way to get out of this situation is by playing the “too busy” card. When dealing with a manipulator, the best comeback is to concentrate on your own needs. Tell them you have work, absolutely swamped at the office. But in case you are a bad liar, you are just going to have to hang up and send out a text. That worked for me the first few months. Should work for you too.
Spend more time away, keep busy.
Emotional manipulation operates under the level of your conscious mind. They send waves of dark energy that can hit hard and blow the happy wind out of your sail. Distance yourself. Keep yourself busy at work. Surround yourself with groups outside your social circle. Make interactions with people from across the world, learn more, have fun. Life is too short to be dealing with energy vampires.
Kill the EM.
Help yourself out of the spiral of manipulation, once and for all. Few pointers down below.
Do not think too much into anything. Take your mind for a walk.
Do not let them dictate how you feel. Respond with anger to drop them a clear hint.
Do not sway from your decisions. Repeat yourself if necessary. An emotional manipulator feeds on your lack of ability to say no. Starve it!
Smile and forgive.
If all the tactics fail, cut them off and move on with life. People often end up paying high prices for holding on to resentment. Forgive and let go. Allow peace to cross the threshold of your life.
Seek solitude.
Last and the most crucial, solitude. Self-company can help you find your own voice, that you have lost along the way. Let time heal the wounds.
We are constantly looking to find harmony in our lives. At times, to uphold the congruity, we end up hurting ourselves more than one can ever imagine. Relationships are one of the major components in keeping the balance but know it’s not the only. Even if the society argues, know that sometimes, the social barter system of give and take is more a theory than practice. You need to realize, not everyone deserves an all-access pass to your inner sanctum. Breaking off is tough, but I guess sometimes, it is more comfortable to stay in a broken place.
