Throughout my childhood, one of the coolest shows to watch on TV was Hannah Montana on Disney Channel. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Hannah Montana was a TV show where a teenage girl decided to live a double life- one in which she was the regular, everyday student, Miley Stewart, and the other in which she could be the famous, incredibly popular, singer, Hannah Montana. Everyone that watched it knows the ever-so-catchy theme song *cue music* You get the limo out front, oh ah oh; Hottest styles, every shoe, every color. In that song, she references the fact that she gets "the best of both worlds" because she can still do what she loves and *cue music* double as a superstar.
As a Brazilian-American, I always thought that I had the best of both worlds. If two is better than one, then I got pretty lucky with two languages, two sets of traditions, two styles of food, and two countries to call home. Growing up in Florida and being surrounded by other Latino-Americans, I never questioned the massive advantage I had.
Beyond that, I was, and still am, extremely proud to be Brazilian. You couldn't find another person cheering louder at a soccer game or more excited to have all of my friends try Brazilian food for the first time. I was mortified at the Ryan Lochte scandal, proud when I discovered we were hosting the World Cup and the Olympics, excited whenever I heard Brazil mentioned in TV shows or movies. Not once did I consider the fact that I am a Brazilian-American to take away from how Brazilian I am. It was never 1/2 Brazilian + 1/2 American = Julia, but rather always Brazilian + American = Julia. I was always totally and completely both.
I am sad to say that my time at the University of Pennsylvania has made me question this belief. At Penn, most of the Brazilians you meet are not Brazilian-Americans, but rather international students coming to the United States directly from Brazil, and as much as I thought it was the same, it's not. It's different. On more than one occasion, I have been referred to as not being "a real Brazilian", with this comment coming always from Brazilians themselves. I have to admit that this has shaken my confidence a bit, and I have turned away from finding my Brazilian family outside of my hometown. I have avoided actually getting to know any of them. (Disclaimer: I'm sure they're all super nice. I've met a few and they were nothing but welcoming and friendly. This is about my experiences and insecurities, not about them as people).
Was I wrong? Do Americans see the hyphen as an advantage while other nations see it as a loss of culture? What does the hyphen take away from me? Am I destined to always be half of something, searching for a home but never finding my place?
For now, I have found my home in the hyphen, with the hundreds of other students who, like me, will always be a part of two worlds (shoutout to my Polish-American roomie, Michelle!). The truth is that I don't know the answers to any of the questions above. All I know is that this is me. I am Julia. I am Brazilian. I am American. This is who I am and no one will ever take that from me.
