Bipolar disorder is defined as a mental illness that brings severe high and low moods and changes in sleep, energy, thinking and behavior. There are 5.7 million Americans that have the disorder, myself being one of them. Although it is characterized as ‘alternating periods of elation and depression’, it involves so much more than that.

Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 my sophomore year of high school. I took a year off from public school and joined cyber to focus on my mental health and wellbeing. As a young 15-year-old girl, I knew my thoughts were not normal and went looking for help. I stayed in counseling and saw a psychiatrist regularly throughout my sophomore year, running into my junior year. I was put on medications to help me cope with my Bipolar, as well as depression and anxiety. In the five years since my diagnoses, I have learned many things about Bipolar disorder and how it affects me as a young woman.

• The mood swings are real.
  • Even being on medication I still have times where my mood can change at the drop of a hat. I can be perfectly happy and giggly one minute, and the next want to curl up in a ball and cry. However, in the past years I have been learning new ways to manage my mood swings and deal with them better.
• Mood swings cannot be controlled.
  • I don't get to pick a day of the week to have an episode. When it happens it happens and I do my best with dealing with it.
• I need a lot of attention and reassurance.
  • In any personal relationship I have, whether it's a friend, family member, or significant other, I need constant reassurance that they still like me, or that I’m not bugging them. I even realize I need an excessive amount of attention, and that's a lot to handle for some people, but I need to know someone loves me and cares about me when maybe I’m not loving myself a lot at the moment.
• It doesn't take a lot to make me upset, but I’m unable to stay mad.
  • I have always been extremely sensitive and take everything to heart. But I’ve also realized that a person can screw me over 1,000 times and I will not be able to hold a grudge or hate them.
• I love unconditionally.
  • Dealing with Bipolar isn’t easy to do, and I know sometimes I take my frustrations out on people who are trying to help. People with bipolar are fighters, and I fight for the people I love and care about them unconditionally because that's what they do for me.
• Mania feels good, but also scares me.
  • Mania is the ultimate high of the disorder. Everyone with Bipolar experiences it differently, but for me, I am extremely happy for no reason, I feel like I could run a marathon and never tire, I talk a mile a minute and laugh uncontrollably. This sounds great right? I am also scared when I experience mania. I feel annoying and like I’m too much for people to handle and that they will not want to come around me anymore.
• Intimacy is my downfall.
  • I love being around people. But there comes a moment that despite my need for interaction with other people, I always tend to pull myself away when I begin to become close to someone. I don't want to tell them too much and have them view me as a needy, broken girl. I get too afraid they will leave.
• I am not ‘crazy.’
  • Yes, I have bipolar disorder, but I am not defined by it.

Overall, all I want as a girl with bipolar is for people to understand I live and love a little differently than you, but that doesn't make me any less human.