I'm 18, I'm an adult, and now I'm independent. How hard can it be? These were some of my first thoughts when making the big move. I always imagined myself with a bunch of roommates lounging around in our cool apartment, having fun little gatherings and what not. Boy did I watch too many seasons of Friends, and boy was I wrong.
I remember waking up the morning of my high school graduation not knowing how to feel. I was excited, but unsure of what was yet to come, and what my next move was. I remember sitting on that football field thinking when is this ceremony going to end, as it was probably over 100 degrees out, and my thighs were starting to stick to the chair. My aunt, practically in tears after I received my diploma, tells me “Mija, I'm so proud of you, but I feel so bad for you. You have no idea what's coming.”
Not for one moment did I think that day was the first day to my new life. It finally hit me. It hit me hard.
Hello, solo-living.
My mother, widowed at the age of 45, decided to move 200 miles north of home several months after I turned 18. I stayed behind in our one bedroom apartment, by myself, working at a minimum wage job, and going to school full-time. My stubborn self did not think it through, at all. Of course, I eventually moved out due to the fact that I was broke and couldn't pay rent. Typical.
I ended up renting a room from someone I barely even knew then, only because I was too proud to call my mom and ask for help.
It sucked, A LOT. I cried myself to sleep about 2-3 times a week, I began horrible eating habits, and my room was a mess. I apologize if I'm making living on your own sound like a nightmare, that's just what it started off as.
I definitely took my mom's home cooked meals for granted. I could barely flip a tortilla when I first moved out, but with the help of YouTube, I'm a decent cook now (I know enough to not starve).
Also, not having my mom here to tell me to clean my room was part of why it began to clutter. It's nice not having to be told what to do, but I now realize why my mom was so nitpicky about it.
Don't let me discourage you if you're thinking of moving out. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made (now I just sound delusional).
But really, I've come a long way.
My first move after moping around for a few months was to get a new job, decent pay and decent hours. You'll learn that living paycheck to paycheck gets really frustrating.
Secondly, manage my spending. If you're anything like me, then you know how therapeutic shopping can be, but it’s also really damaging. Spoil yourself every once in awhile, not every week or day.
Lastly - stop being a slob. Yeah, no one is around, but keeping a clean living space is important. It feels so much better coming home to a well-made bed than one with a pile of clothes on it.
If you're thinking of taking on the lavish life of living solo, I strongly encourage you to do so. I for one have made some of the best, and worst decisions while being on my own, but that's the been the best part of my journey. It's a learning experience.
I wouldn't move back in with my mom, not because I didn't like it, but because I now look at it as taking a step back. Moving out was a huge stepping stone for me, and going back isn't an option now. I'm looking forward to all the things life has yet to throw at me.
Living on your own is an emotional roller-coaster ride at first, since you're still getting into the swing of things. But once you figure out how to get by, you'll love it. You learn to rely on yourself, which is the most important thing. You grow as a person, and find yourself through the process.
Make many mistakes, walk around with no pants on, and play your music full blast. You're in charge now.
