Unless you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you probably do not have a good grasp on the everyday struggles that someone with OCD goes through. Every person’s condition is different; so people typically have their own little unique quirks. Both my father and my mother have OCD, so I got a double dose of feeling uncomfortable if something is not perfect.
Father got me in the habit of obsessively cleaning. I got to the point where I would have to hold off my college work because I felt something sticky on my desk and would have to wipe down every counter in my room. On many occasions, I would sweep and mop my floor five times a day. My obsession does not just stop at objects, though. I wash my hands at least three times every time I wash. While taking a shower, I wash my hair and body at least twice. I have been told by friends and relatives that I brush my teeth for quite too long. It is actually rather inconvenient at times, but I feel dirty and physically cannot handle not sticking to my routine. I do rather enjoy getting dirty, rolling in mud and running around barefoot, but if I do not properly wash myself I will not be able to make it through the day.
Mother always had organizational OCD, and a weird quirk where her hands had to be perfectly placed on something. Her clothes were always placed according to color and type (dress, pants, and shirts had their own places in the closet and dresser), her clothes and towels had to be folded a specific way, and everything had to be in its correct spot, positioned in at a specific angle. Multiple times as a child while folding laundry she would make me go back and do it again if it was not perfect. Now that I am older, I fold my towels and clothes the same way, my clothes are organized according to their type and color, even my shoes are lined up according to style and color. All of my clothes face the same way, with the hangers (all black) facing the same way. Everything has a specific spot and has to be at a specific angle, I will fidget until I can fix it.
I have my own person quirks as well. Unless I am working on brick or small tile, my feet cannot touch cracks. If I am walking on a sidewalk or large tile, my left foot has to be the first one in a new square. I am also one of those people that do not like my food to touch. I do not like the tastes mixing – there are exceptions like spaghetti, and dipping my meats into mashed potatoes. My volume always has to be turned to a number divisible by five. I am not entirely sure why, but I physically cannot handle my volume not ending in a five or a zero. When I write shopping lists, I have to go back and rewrite it according to where things are in the store.
A lot of people find it humorous that I take little steps before the crack in a sidewalk if my left foot is not going to be the next one to enter the next square, or to move my pencil slightly so it is not the way I had it. It is not funny. In a way, it physically hurts me. There are people who have much more serious conditions that just having to have my shirts in order according to color. One man has to run up and down his stairs exactly 49 times in a certain amount of time before leaving his house for work. It may be funny for other people to see me cringe if there is a spot on my counter, but it is not funny in the least for me.
Living with OCD is really hard. There is a lot that goes into my every day. I have routines, rituals if you will, that I do every day without fail. It is not fun, it is not a game, it is people’s lives. Things that we do not want to do, but we physically have to, it is too hard not to. There are treatments, kind of like physical therapy, but for OCD. Not everyone seeks treatment, though. So we live with these conflictions every day, doing our best to adjust.
Tschüss!
