Sometimes, well most of time, I feel like my mind is going a hundred miles per hour. I am a planner in all aspects of life. It's easy for my mind to wander off into creating a workout for tomorrow or planning an outfit for an event this weekend. I don't do it out of worry or anxiety, I like thinking about the future. It sounds innocent to dream about the days to come, but what I've found is that it can become tempting to to remove myself from present moments and become fixated on what's next.
Matthew 6:27 says, "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" I used to hear this passage and think, "I'm not worried! I'm planning out of excitement!" So I dismissed the warning. I didn't realize that this verse meant so much more. Even though I wasn't necessarily anxious about my future, I wasn't really participating in the present. I started calling this "checking out".
I checked out a lot. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but there was a long period of time where I couldn't even sit through a church sermon and not check out. It's not that I didn't want to be there. I'm a 23 year old woman. If I don't want to go to church, I don't have to. I simply had the hardest time sitting still when I could be mentally planning out the next few days.
To reference Matthew 6:27, I wasn't adding to my life any time at all. In fact, I was subtracting time from my life because I was spending it checked out. Who knows what someone could have said in those moments that I never heard because I was too busy living life unavailable.
On August 16, 2017 my kind, compassionate and hilarious Uncle Danny passed away very unexpectedly. I think about Danny every day. I miss him very much and my heart hurts for my family. Danny was the athletics director at Harris County High School. He intentionally invested in so many people, and it showed in the lives of his students, coworkers, friends and family. He was the kind of man who truly lived every day, ready to serve others.
I would give anything to bring my Uncle Danny back. I wish I could hear him cut up with my daddy again. But until I get to hear his laugh again when we're together in Heaven, I want to live every day like Danny did. I want to be available to others, ready to serve and excited about the present moment. I want to be alert and awake to what is happening right now. I don't want to lose one more minute because I'm living in the future. I want to live like Danny in every moment.