I am guilty of selfish thinking. I am guilty of thinking Heaven is a lot easier than living in a place as close to hell. I along with others, I have thought what’s the purpose anymore. Is there any desire or any want? Is there any need? Or the biggest one… will anyone care? I am here to tell you there is a purpose. There is a desire and a want. And I am dang sure here to tell you that everyone cares. The reason behind your hurt and pain is real. It is relevant. It matters. It is draining. But is not near as big as pain you will leave behind if your selfish thinking takes over. I’m not here to tell you the pain will ever magically go away or just randomly stop. I’m not here to tell you that everything will go back to “normal.” There is no normal anywhere in the world.
There is no “I just want to be happy like everyone else.” You think you’re alone in feeling the way that you do. You think, am I the only one that wakes up everyday wishing I didn’t? But you’re not. You’re not ever alone. Ever. Is it a boy that broke your heart? That’s okay. Is it drugs and alcohol taking over your life? That’s okay. Is it your family that split up and left you? That’s okay. Is it because school is overwhelming and picking your future career at 18 is too stressful? That’s okay.
Is it because a bully thinks picking on someone like you is okay? That’s okay. Is it because your friends pick popularity over someone who gives them their all? That’s okay. All of it is okay. Why you’re feeling the way you do is okay. Don’t let it take over you. If it’s a boy… let yourself be upset he broke you. Cry. Scream. Cuss. Anything you need, but then acknowledge the fact you can’t be with him or reach out to him anymore because you deserve more. Preserve yourself for a relationship that motivates you to become the best version of yourself. The hardest thing in life is realizing that the people we want are sometimes incapable of giving us what we deserve or need.
If it’s the drugs and alcohol… reach for help, reach for support. Nothing makes you weak. If it’s because people are leaving you, family or friends, let them. Let them go. There is pain when people leave, but there is so much joy in realizing what you deserve. Nurse your wounds and cuts, but then turn your pain into power. You’re wrong for thinking you need someone to not make you feel alone. Look within yourself. I found everything I needed. You’ll find the love of your life. You’ll become your own soul mate. Everything you deserve is coming, be patient, be willing to wait.
You shouldn’t have to destroy yourself in order to keep someone or something else whole. But I challenge you not to play the victim. Battle it out. Be your own hero. Save yourself. For those with faith; pray. Don’t ask for healing, or for all your pain to go away, ask for strength to go to war. Ask for strength to fight. Fight your battles. Don’t run from them. Ask for strength to win. I asked The Lord to prepare me for my battle and Love came down and recused me. Gods, love rescued me. Life is worth living. Today I live for my family, friends, my God, and most importantly, I live for myself. Please do the same.
