I am a study in contrasts. I have a sensibility both classical and modern, and I aim to work in an industry that blends the real and the illusion. So it made sense that I was incredibly excited for "La La Land," Damien Chazelle's tour de force revitalization of the original American movie musical, and it wasn't a huge surprise that I walked out with my expectations upheld and exceeded, singing all of the songs and wanting to go out and create art. It had been a long semester, and I had been stuck doing a lot of work that I didn't feel personally invested in. While it still got it completed, it felt largely meaningless and a kind of overall drudge that wallpapered over the rest of my life. Everything seemed very mechanical and lifeless, with little time to hang out and less time seeing my life going somewhere, ANYWHERE, either for better or for worse. In a way, watching "La La Land" for the first time was my Griffith Observatory moment, my feet coming off the floor and believing once again in the power of dreams.

John Legend's character, Keith, asks Ryan Gosling (Sebastian), "How are you gonna be a revolutionary if you're such a traditionalist?" I loved and was surprised by the fact that although Ryan and Emma headline the film, I identified very closely with both them and Keith, even if they seemingly were at opposing ends of the spectrum. Seb is a jazz snob who thinks he knows what's what and loses Mia (SHUT THE FRONT DOOR HOW COULD YOU LOSE CONTACT WITH EMMA STONE) because of his pursuit of a jazz that never necessarily existed-- a nostalgic, idealized past. Mia has achieved her dream of becoming an actress but had to lose an ideal partner who helped her get there. Keith has achieved his dream of becoming an innovator. Sure, Seb joining Keith's band was a sellout because it didn't align with Seb's own dream, but Keith is doing what he loves and innovating while he does it, and I think it's this aspect that keeps the film from adhering to a white savior narrative: Sebastian's pride and flaws are all out in the open, while Keith serves as a counterpoint to his dream, not necessarily a villain. All of these characters wrestle with how to balance stability and passion, making room for dreams while also accepting reality.

But as in the film, there is a time for everything and a time for every season. In closing out finals and 2016, I went home wondering if I could even live up to the candy-coated, reality-tinged exploration of creativity that I'd seen on screen, let alone what I see in real life. As part of Delta Kappa Alpha, a professional film fraternity, let alone attending UC Berkeley, I am friends with all kinds of Sebastians and Mias; people who work for their shot, staying up late and taking on other jobs to fulfill their passions. In my view, my work ethic has severely deteriorated since coming to college, and lately, I've grown increasingly dissatisfied with how I've put schoolwork completely before my creative pursuits. When I don't want to do work, it's hard for me to get into that kind of mindset, and I spend time drowning myself in my news feed so I don't have to think or pursue creative thought because I already feel drained. I am afraid of original thought because I am afraid not just of what other people think, but of what I will think of myself. It's nice to have a vision of where you want to go, but if there's no recourse for staying stalled in your car and no excuse of Los Angeles traffic keeping you down, that's on you. Here's to the ones who dream, but here's also to the ones who DO.

Amongst all of the musical numbers, there is scene after scene of everyone working their butt off. Mia has her job at the coffee shop while going to audition after audition and writing a play, while Seb is constantly practicing while Keith arranges marketing opportunities to get his name out there. It's the grind people have to go through as they try and make a living from what they love to do. In fact, this is a theme that runs through a lot of great movies from the past year, of responding to failure and disappointment by simply living and being, or in "La La Land" producer Jordan Horowitz's case, graciously giving up the floor last night to Barry Jenkins and the well-deserved "Moonlight" crew.

I have a screenplay going through another draft that I've been telling people I'd finish for the past two months. I have music arrangements that I've been too lazy to finish and shy to ask people to compose with, so bring on the rebels, the ripples from pebbles, the painters, the poets, and plays. I am experiencing a continuing struggle to understand the sacrifices that come along with the desire to achieve dreams and goals and passions and take risks and get out of my safe, procrastinating comfort zone.

It's conflict and it's compromise, and it's all very, very exciting.

"La La Land" is the winner of 6 Academy Awards.