Back in the olden days, having a boyfriend young was a necessity. I mean, thirteen year olds were getting married and having kids thousands of years ago. And then our grandparents got married at 19 and 20 back in the fifties, and somehow our parents got married somewhere around age 23, 24 in the eighties and nineties. But this is the twenty first century, and the human timeline has vastly changed. So if you or someone you love doesn’t have a significant other yet, take a deep breath and repeat after me: My life span is going to be long and prosperous and I will find the right person when I find the right person. So the next time Grandma tells you she’s been praying that you’ll find “the one”, or your sister gives you trouble for being single, just hit ‘em with the facts.
You are capable of being alone without being lonely.
Before I started dating my lovely boyfriend, I always thought that I was lonely because I was alone. But then I realized, nope, not the case. I was lonely because I was making myself feel like the only thing in the world that could make me feel complete was a boy. And that’s just not the case. So with the help of a good friend, I realized that the only person who could complete me is me. Let me be that good friend to you: only you can complete yourself. And it sounds totally BS and cliche, and it’s hard as heck to follow, but if you can convince yourself to be your own best friend for a bit, you’ll be complete and ready for a relationship.
You have years and years and years to find “the one”.
Back when it was necessary to find him/her young (because you were only going to live for 30 or 40 or 50 years) it made sense to bust your booty to find “the one”. But in this wonderful age of modern medicine and good old life stability, the search can last as long as you darn well please. Nobody can tell you when the time is. And quite honestly, if you try to rush the process you might end up with the wrong one, which is way worse than being without the right one for a little longer.
Good things come to those who wait.
I know, I know, I might be losing you here. But hear me out. I laid around for literal years of my adolescent life waiting for some person to post WCW’s about me on Instagram, and guess what: after middle school and high school, college came and bam! The kindest, most compassionate, and understanding person I have ever met came into my life and decided to put up with me. If I had just freaked out about being single and declared myself a lost cause, who knows where I would be right now!
Dating does not validate you.
I thought for such a long time that when I got a boyfriend, my whole life would appear new. I would become this person who people just fawned over. People would like me because I was a part of a couple. I guess thanks to movies like High School Musical and Grease, where the girl is irrelevant until she gets the guy, I had unrealistic expectations. And I would just like to say, again, nope. Not true. Your individuality, your humor, your intelligence, your ability to be a good friend…those are validating qualities. Just calling someone your boyfriend/girlfriend? Not validating. No matter how satisfying it may be when it happens.
Dating is about complementing, not completeing.
I think we are put at a real disadvantage when people talk about romantic relationships as a means to completion. A couple is meant to consist of two people with substance, not two people searching for someone to fill a missing piece. It's great if you find someone who you feel like you were missing all of your life, but it's terrible to rely on someone else to hold you together. So wait for someone who will be the perfect accompaniment to all of you, and it'll be worth it.
I tell you this not because I'm an expert (I'm not). I just know that I wish someone had told me what I know now. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: you owe it to yourself to put your time and effort into yourself right now. Take your single life and make the most out of it. Be selfish and mold yourself into the person you are proud to be. Expand your friendships and experiences, and I promise when you're not looking "the one" will reveal themselves. And you will be capable of having a productive relationship as a person who will complement, not complete another individual.
Until then? You do you.
