I’ve been thinking a lot about how God has been working in my life lately. All I can do is sit in awe at the threads of my life that He has stitched together into something greater for His glory. God doesn’t make mistakes. Unlike us mere mortals, He doesn’t need a tool to undo the stitching in His works. If we were given the power to weave together our own lives, it would be messy, confusing, and would have gaping holes in the cloth where God was supposed to be woven into the design.

Reflecting on my own life, and its winding rows of colors and features, all I can think about is how God has been present through it all. Events that my human understanding deemed random, unfortunate, or even devastating at the time were all threads that God meant to sew into my experiences.

As a psychology major, I try my best to understand people at the root of who they are as a person; their mind. Throughout high school, I struggled with what I wanted to study in college. My desires ranged from a Forensic Scientist to Physical Therapist to even at one point an Environmental Activist (note that this desire also came at a time in my life where I was obsessed with organic, non-GMO, grass fed EVERYTHING, thanks to Food Inc. and my AP Environmental Science teacher). During this time of infinite decisions, God continued to throw hurdles in my lane. I went through just about every struggle, it seemed, that a young woman could go through, including the death of a parent. These struggles led me to finally decide on my major- Psychology. God placed a lasting desire on my heart to work with teens who were going through battles in their life, battles that I could actually relate to because He gave me similar battles in my own teen years.

I became angry with God. I never seemed to get a break from the trials. Once I got through one trial, another one was thrown my way. It wasn’t until this past week that I truly got to reflect on my life and how God has been working throughout it. Spending alone time with God can be so enlightening, because the longer you dwell in His presence, the more He reveals to you. This past week, God has allowed me to see how He has worked in my life and shown me all the ways in which He has stitched my life together into this beautiful tapestry for His glory. Those places where I felt broken and afraid drew me closer to Him and allowed me to see His plan.

So for those of you who are in a dark place, as I have been in for so much of my life, seek God’s face. It will be terrifying, confusing, and different at first, but the more you dive into His Word and seek His presence, the more He will fill you up. When I was in high school leadership, our leadership teacher had us read a book about “filling our buckets.” The overall analogy was that when your bucket is full, you are on top of the world. When your bucket is empty you are struggling at rock bottom. As human beings, we can either fill up or empty each other’s buckets. A positive comment fills up someone else’s bucket while a negative comment can spill another’s bucket’s contents.

You’re probably wondering what that has to do with seeking God’s presence. Well, how can we fill up each other’s buckets when our own is empty? How can some of us who don’t have those positive people in our lives, or are in an abusive household or are bullied have our buckets filled? The answer is simple: God. Unlike human beings, God will NEVER empty your bucket. He will only continue to fill up your bucket and allow you to then fill other’s buckets with His Word. God may sometimes knock us down and throw things in our path that do not make sense, but He will never leave us nor forsake us. He loves us and only wants what is best for us, even if it breaks us down to get to that good place.

And that is what I have been so awestruck about for the past week. It astounds me how God continues to reveal His good plan to me. How events that took me to rock bottom years ago can have glimmers of light at the top of that ravine I sat in. How when I was depressed and when I am anxious, He brings people into my life to pour into my bucket and scriptures to fulfill me. God’s love never fails and His plan is always good. Even if at the moment, it doesn’t seem that way.