The Light At The End Of The Chronic Illness Tunnel

The Light At The End Of The Chronic Illness Tunnel

Where there is light, there is hope.

I've been feeling like I'm stuck in a dark tunnel recently. I can see the light ahead, but no matter how much energy I can muster to run towards it, the end never materializes.

This chronic illness stuff is tricky in ways you could not believe. Aside from the actual symptoms, Doctors can rarely agree on the best form of action; life is so unpredictable and planning for the future is like trying to do a Rubix cube while wearing a blindfold. My every day has become a tap dance on a glass ceiling; push even the slightest bit too hard and the whole thing comes crashing down.

It is possible to stop walking through the tunnel, to lie down and assign yourself to your fate. However, when ends don’t meet and rent needs paying and food continues to be a necessity, giving up isn’t really an option.

And I haven’t changed. I’m still as stubborn and ambitious as ever. I’m not about to let my dreams die, no matter how ludicrous they seem at the current moment.

Still, this tunnel is exhausting me. Each step I take is in blind faith that it will get better – brighter – and maybe one day, it could even end. Sometimes I worry that I'm kidding myself; that this is it and is there is no improvement possible. Am I killing myself by trying to create a life that is incapable of existing? Why am I wasting my time on being healthy if I could still be sick forever anyway?

I’m glad you asked.

The light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how small, is there. It exists as a glisten of hope for better days and better times to come. Maybe I’ll never reach it, maybe all this effort is in vain, but at least it’s keeping me moving. Without that light, everything would be plunged into complete darkness. A metaphorical darkness that, unfortunately, I just can’t handle.

I don’t know if I can reduce my pain and suffering, but I do know that I will never stop trying.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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3 Reasons Why Step Dads Are Super Dads


I often hear a lot of people complaining about their step-parents and wondering why they think that they have any authority over them. Although I know that everyone has different situations, I will be the first to admit that I am beyond blessed to have a step dad. Yep, I said it. My life wouldn't be the same that it is not without him in it. Let me tell you why I think step dads are the greatest things since sliced bread.

1. They will do anything for you, literally.

My stepdad has done any and every thing for me. From when I was little until now. He was and still is my go-to. If I was hungry, he would get me food. If something was broken, he would fix it. If I wanted something, he would normally always find a way to get it. He didn't spoil me (just sometimes), but he would make sure that I was always taken care of.

SEE ALSO: The Thank You That Step-Parents Deserve

2. Life lessons.

Yup, the tough one. My stepdad has taught me things that I would have never figured out on my own. He has stood beside me through every mistake. He has been there to pick me up when I am down. My stepdad is like the book of knowledge: crazy hormonal teenage edition. Boy problems? He would probably make me feel better. He just always seemed to know what to say. I think that the most important lesson that I have learned from my stepdad is: to never give up. My stepdad has been through three cycles of leukemia. He is now in remission, yay!! But, I never heard him complain. I never heard him worry and I never saw him feeling sorry for himself. Through you, I found strength.

3. He loved me as his own.

The big one, the one that may seem impossible to some step parents. My stepdad is not actually my stepdad, but rather my dad. I will never have enough words to explain how grateful I am for this man, which is why I am attempting to write this right now. It takes a special kind of human to love another as if they are their own. There had never been times where I didn't think that my dad wouldn't be there for me. It was like I always knew he would be. He introduces me as his daughter, and he is my dad. I wouldn't have it any other way. You were able to show me what family is.

So, dad... thanks. Thanks for being you. Thanks for being awesome. Thanks for being strong. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for loving my mom. Thanks for giving me a wonderful little sister. Thanks for being someone that I can count on. Thanks for being my dad.

I love you!

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Having a Plan

It's OK if things don't work out as planned.


Growing up is a lot of work. As we age, there comes a certain pressure to know exactly what you intend to do with your life. This is something that society and often times the people we love most demand of us. Our culture is so busy there is no time to waste. "You need to be driven, have a goal," is the scream of the world. This ideology has shaped every ounce of who we are. We panic when we don't know. We're supposed to have an answer.

We plan and we plan and we plan, and we make ourselves miserable in the process. We become so caught up in the logistics that we look all around us: left, right, forwards, and backward. We search all over to no prevail, and we forget to look up.

Proverbs 16:9 (HCSB):

A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.

This is something I've been learning in my time at college. And I'm a planner. I like a good plan. When things don't go according to plan, I tend to resort to panic.

All this to say, plans aren't a bad thing, but it's important to recognize it's OK if our plan doesn't work out exactly.

It's also OK not to know it all right now. There are things in life that will come to pass before we know it. So don't rush.

God's timing is more than perfect. Even when we don't understand.

God's plan is never messed up, so we should take comfort in that.

Rest in this truth today. Surrender your plans to the Lord, and take a breath.

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