This summer I have been working a babysitting job. I love kids and want to be a teacher, so I figured this would be a good job -and it is. The boys are great, I can take them on field trips, and I'm usually done by three PM. What I do tend to notice, however, is that whenever one boy is losing, the other screams "It's not fair! He is older/younger, smaller/bigger, fill in the bank than me.
Sometimes, their complaints are warranted. It is unfair and unacceptable that one brother hit the other over a dispute during a baseball game. But other times, like when one brother is two inches taller in a game of basketball, I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Does it stink that your brother is taller than you? Yes, but he's three years older than you, too, and there's nothing I can do to make you bigger or him smaller. What I really want to tell them (but don't, because they're not my children) is that life is not fair.
The issue of whether or not something is fair has helped to create this culture where everyone gets a trophy. I get it, sometimes even when we try our hardest and do everything right, we don't win. To children, it's unfair because we tell them that what really matters is how hard they work for something. In my heart, I truly believe it's more important for a child to work really hard and lose than for a child with natural talent to win.
At the same time, I also believe that we shouldn't sugar coat things for children. So, we should all go around and tell kids that even though they received a participation trophy that they suck at life, right? No. Absolutely not. But it wouldn't hurt to say something like "You know insert name here, there are things you could have improved on. Aim for the backboard next time you shoot that ball." See, it's nice enough not to hurt their self-esteem, but also makes it known that they're not the best thing since sliced bread.
When I was little, I remember coming into my grandma's kitchen all upset because I didn't swim across the lake faster than my cousin. In my immediate family I am the best swimmer, which wasn't a difficult accomplishment because while my brother and mother hate water, I love it. My older cousin, Emma, on the other hand, went to college on a swimming scholarship and even swam the English channel. I came inside crying, saying it wasn't fair because Emma was so much older and taller than me and she had more experience than me. To this day, I can still remember my grandma dropping the truth bomb on me. She told me "Life isn't fair. There will always be someone better than you, even when you think you're the best."
