My biological father has never been a part of my life. Yes, it was terrible at the beginning, but now that I have gotten older, I have been able to slowly accept it. I have started to figure out, it's not my fault that he's not a part of my life.
Growing up, I always thought it was my fault my father chose not to be a part of my life. I always thought I was not good enough or if I could just change who I am, he would come back into my life. This led to many moments talking to my mom, crying all the time over something I couldn't actually change.
As I got older, however, I started to realize that it was not my fault at all: it was his. He did not want children and he probably should never have had them. He made the decision to leave, missing out on so many amazing moments doing so. What I couldn't understand was the "other side" of my family. His family. I always thought they knew about me and could never figure out how they could leave, too.
I found out later on that his family had no idea I existed. He didn't want anyone knowing about me at all. My uncle ended up telling the family and has started telling me more of the truth -- how my biological father is and what's going on. I have gotten to know my family from that side and love them, but knowing what I know now, I do not want that man to have any part in my life.
As an adult reflecting on my childhood, I can say that I am grateful he left. My drive as a child to prove I don't need him has made me the successful woman I am today, along with the support of my mother. She has done everything in her power to show me I can be happy, successful and loved, even if he doesn't aid in making me those things. In fact, I am better off without him. I can't thank my mom and grandparents enough for showing me that I can do anything I set my mind to -- without him.
Though, I still get upset when I hear people complain about their parents and how they wish their dad would "leave them alone" or "get out of their life." I always try to get them to appreciate their parents for everything they do, because they do them out of love. After all, they actually want to be a part of their lives. I have had to miss out on so many activities that are father/daughter related because he did not want to be.
Every child should grow up with both parents involved in their lives, because having your family together is such a beautiful thing. Even if they don't share the same DNA, every child deserves to have a solid father figure. Not just for support or to bring them to father/daughter dances, but also to show them what a healthy relationship looks like, teach them to take risks and to provide guidance and discipline.
