Over the past couple of weeks I've seen several engagement announcements pop up on my Facebook newsfeed and it got me thinking about my own views on marriage and even whether or not my own decision to never get married was premature. I would like to think that if people can choose to get married young or be sure that their significant other is who they want to be spend the rest of their lives with, that it's OK for me to choose a life without a husband or children.
Growing up I was always surrounded by women who, although they were strong and unique, had to assert certain traditional roles in their marriage. They were raised on the idea that being a mother and a wife were their first priorities. Yet, these are also the very women who taught me to be independent and showed me that the kind of love that existed in these traditional positions is just as fulfilling as throwing yourself into a career or ambition. This is why I respect the hell out of women who want to be mothers when they grow up and have no judgment against girls who having been planning their wedding since childhood.
I, however, realized early on that this wasn't something I desired solely because what I wanted out of life is something that couldn't be fulfilled by settling down and spending my life with someone else. I want to be able to fully invest all my energy, passion, and time into a career that I am in love with and make my own decisions without having to worry that they are negatively impacting someone else.
This being my first priority makes me afraid that people will think I'm being selfish. I mean, we're all different people who need different things out of life. So why should being faced with succumbing to the pressure of having to please the female ideals society has attached to us such as having to be nurturing and care-giving?
When I look back on my life, I want to be able to feel OK with choosing myself over marriage and feeling confident that I attended to my individual values and needs.
If a woman can be a wife and a mother and not be criticized for putting that first, then why shouldn’t a woman who doesn’t want to get married and have children be approached in the same way? If anything, deciding to deviate away from this societal pressure further advances the normalization of this choice and paves a new path for women's happiness and prosperity.
