To the Person Whose Life Isn't Big Enough

To the Person Whose Life Isn't Big Enough

Because who says what "enough" is, anyway?
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I see you. Yes, I realize you are there.

You can feel overlooked. Invisible. Like you have so little to offer.

You see, in order to be seen, we feel like we have to be: be somebody bigger, better, more successful.

(In order to just land a job you love, it seems like you have to be the next Steve Jobs.) The pressure is incredible, incredibly crippling.

It can cripple the healthy way you view yourself.

It makes you think who you are is not enough because you -- just being you -- don't have the titles, salary, house, boat, spouse and picket fence.

It can cripple the healthy way you view your work.

Whatever you do is automatically "not good enough" because your ideas aren't spawning the next Apple or Google, your mundane desk work isn't meriting you an interview on "The Today Show," and your weekend plans aren't with anybody close to celebs.

It can cripple the healthy way you view your life.

Whatever talents you do have, whatever job you actually possess, whatever people you regularly communicate with -- it all becomes just not enough.

You're not enough. You don't do enough (or do it correctly enough). Your life is not big enough.

I've felt the deep emptiness making you feel hollow. I've felt the unfillable-ness; whatever could be "good" or "enough" seems to slip through your hollow existence.

I've seen how answers people give of why your life is enough, you are enough, you do enough don't completely satisfy.

I've seen the frustration and confusion that paints your reality in hopelessness.

But I've had enough, enough of not being enough, not doing enough, not having enough.

I've seen it's my choice.

I can keep letting the incredible, incredibly painful pressure compress my soul, confuse my desires, blur my vision, and tie up my steps. I can focus on how I'm not good enough and this life just isn't big enough.

But one choice comes at the cost of another, and when I'm holding onto how it's not enough, I can't hold onto anything else that maybe (maybe) could help it be enough.

Because who defines what "enough" is in the first place? What actually is big enough for me to be happy and not feel such pressure to do, be, live, accomplish?

Am I going to let somebody else decide what is enough for my life? Somebody who I can't even point to? Somebodies who are providing me with these ideas I'm construing into a life I should (actually) be living?

Enough.

(Oh, I've had enough). Because maybe I simply need to let go and decide what is enough for me.

It's enough to realize it's never enough.

Even if I was the CEO of a successful startup who's living the high life in Silicon Valley, I know it still wouldn't ever be enough for me. Because someone else is the CEO of a bigger corporation. Someone else created an innovation even more innovative than mine.

It's enough to be enough.

It's enough to realize that I might hold my flaws always in front of me, but I can be enough for someone else; I can be enough hope for someone through our conversations. I can be enough encouragement for someone through our sharing ideas. I can be enough support for someone through just being a friend.

It's enough to choose happiness enough.

It's enough for me to realize that someone will always have more, be more, do more. I can always live hollow, perpetually enough-less. Or I can choose to be thankful and look at my life with a new perspective, choosing to see what I have, what I am, what life I'm living as "enough" (even while I try to keep pressing forward). I can choose to be happy and decide to celebrate each day, each small accomplishment, each enough.

Because I've had enough of living my life like it's never enough. Because the problem actually isn't my life. It's how I view my life and what I choose to do from there.

"Never enough-ers," let me tell you from the other side: it can be enough.

Cover Image Credit: Luis Hermosillo Photography

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I Weigh Over 200 Lbs And You Can Catch Me In A Bikini This Summer

There is no magic number that determines who can wear a bikini and who cannot.
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It is about February every year when I realize that bikini season is approaching. I know a lot of people who feel this way, too. In pursuit of the perfect "summer body," more meals are prepped and more time is spent in the gym. Obviously, making healthier choices is a good thing! But here is a reminder that you do not have to have a flat stomach and abs to rock a bikini.

Since my first semester of college, I've weighed over 200 pounds. Sometimes way more, sometimes only a few pounds more, but I have not seen a weight starting with the number "1" since the beginning of my freshman year of college.

My weight has fluctuated, my health has fluctuated, and unfortunately, my confidence has fluctuated. But no matter what, I haven't allowed myself to give up wearing the things I want to wear to please the eyes of society. And you shouldn't, either.

I weigh over 200lbs in both of these photos. To me, (and probably to you), one photo looks better than the other one. But what remains the same is, regardless, I still chose to wear the bathing suit that made me feel beautiful, and I'm still smiling in both photos. Nobody has the right to tell you what you can and can't wear because of the way you look.

There is no magic number that equates to health. In the second photo (and the cover photo), I still weigh over 200 lbs. But I hit the gym daily, ate all around healthier and noticed differences not only on the scale but in my mood, my heart health, my skin and so many other areas. You are not unhealthy because you weigh over 200 lbs and you are not healthy because you weigh 125. And, you are not confined to certain clothing items because of it, either.

This summer, after gaining quite a bit of weight back during the second semester of my senior year, I look somewhere between those two photos. I am disappointed in myself, but ultimately still love my body and I'm proud of the motivation I have to get to where I want to be while having the confidence to still love myself where I am.

And if you think just because I look a little chubby that I won't be rocking a bikini this summer, you're out of your mind.

If YOU feel confident, and if YOU feel beautiful, don't mind what anybody else says. Rock that bikini and feel amazing doing it.

Cover Image Credit: Sara Petty

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8 Things You Learn When You're Related To A Drug Addict

1. No one is obligated to choose you.
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Being the child, or family member of a drug addict can be hard but depending on how you look at it, it can also be a blessing in a very weird way. Here are eight things you learn about life from being the child or family member of a drug addict.

1. No one is obligated to choose you.

2. When people choose you, you know to cherish it.

3. Not everyone is going to understand your situation.

4. People have very skewed opinions about families of drug addicts.

5. People can change.

6. Not all people choose to change.

7. Being selfish is actually a lot of work.

8. Don't judge a book by its cover, or a person by their family members.

There are many things you learn about life, often sooner than most, when you're related or close to a drug addict. In my case, I have many members of my dad's family as well as my dad, who overdosed when I was young, who are addicted to drugs. Seeing people choose substance over blood at a young age is eyeopening, and hard to understand. As you get older and begin to understand the severity of the situation; life becomes clearer. You don't trust everyone you meet, you try to stay away from risky behavior, and family that chooses you becomes all the more important.

Cover Image Credit: Photo by chuttersnap on Unsplash

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