It was one of my first days of kindergarten. I remember hearing the principle come onto the loudspeaker, although I don't remember what he said. I watched as my teacher's face turned blank with panic. I watched her frantically dial the telephone on her desk and have a whispered conversation with who I assume was the school secretary. "Mhmm... Oh my god... When? Ok." She looked like she was going to cry. A few teachers in the surrounding classrooms came into my classroom with the same look of gut-wrenching fear. They turned their backs to us and huddled into a quiet conversation. I just continued to do the unfinished craft on my desk. Before I knew it, half of my classmates were leaving school early for the day and eventually I did the same. My mom was waiting in the main office for me with my sisters. She hugged and kissed me, tightly grabbed my hand and out to our mini van we went. Today isn't an early dismissal. Or is it? Is September 11th a holiday? I remember being very confused.
September 11, 2001 was the first time I remember being affected by an attack on our country, or even any tragic event really. At just five years old, I can recall the chaos and I can recall the pain. I can picture the way my mom cried after finding out that my grandmother, who experienced the attack, was safe and still with us. At just five years old, I can remember the strongest of emotions that introduced me to the cruelties of the world. The point in time that made me realize that this world wasn't just full of happiness and privilege but also tragedy and loss.
As years passed, and I continued to learn more about the world, more and more conflict shook our nation. Shootings have been an epidemic. From the Virginia Tech massacre to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting and every incident in between. The amounts of pain that our country has experienced is devastating. Americans are afraid to go to public places like the the movie theater, after the Colorado shooting in 2012. We associate certain places with certain tragedies now, like Boston and the Marathon ombing in 2013. Airports have become terrifying and even the slightest discriminatory assumptions are turning us rotten.
The racial tensions between diverse cultural backgrounds has only continued to escalate. This constant battle between black people and white people has risen far beyond our control. Riots regarding police brutality. Weapon abuse. Innocent lives being taken.
Hate crimes towards the LGBTQ community. The Orlando nightclub shooting just last June. Why are people so bothered by how others choose to live their lives? Everyone has the right to their own identity, their own orientation. What is the point of discriminating against others? Let people be people. Let people be happy. Let people be.
We are affected as victims even if we aren't directly harmed. As a nation, we stand together. We are the victims but I wonder about the predators. People who beat and kill others. People who sexually assault others. People like Brock Turner. People like mass murderers. Where is the logic?
Fifteen years have passed since I've first been exposed to such hate and the world has continued to disappoint us in ways that none of us can understand. From the ridiculous amounts of attacks and shootings, our country has experienced so much violence and hardship that we aren't even surprised anymore. With every tragedy comes more hate and more violence.
I sit here and realize that although there is so much tragedy and loss, there are also unbelievable amounts of happiness and privilege. We have so much to live for, so why do we have such a harsh reality of disturbance. With every new day comes an underlying question: What will today bring? As I live each day with many unanswered wonders of the world, I cannot help but ask, where is the love?
Enough is enough.
