“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Being a person who suffers from anxiety, I have several triggers that can set me off. But none of them compare to one specific trigger: change.

So many of us desire spontaneity and adventure in our lives. To be able to just "go with the flow" and take whatever life throws at us with grace.But the reality is that although so many of us want that, we are absolutely terrified of change. We get to class and see someone is sitting in our seat and we instantly get upset. We try to change up our order at Subway, then last minute we order the same thing we order every Tuesday. Or we know our relationship is toxic and we need to end it but we don't because this is what we know, this is our normal. I know I'm guilty of this first hand. I want to explore the world, but when I heard my section of the plane listed over the speaker at the airport to go on my first mission trip, I almost didn't get on the plane because I had never gone anywhere on my own before. When I knew my ex-boyfriend had fallen for someone else while we were still together I didn't run the other way or break up with him right away because although he hurt me, that was all I knew. And when I try to change my style for something new, I end up throwing on my favorite pair of leggings and Obey baseball t-shirt before heading to class. So although I may want change, the reality is I'm not a fan of any changes occurring in my life at all. But right now these aren't the changes I'm talking about that throw me into a panic. I'm talking about the major changes that happen in our lives that take some getting used too. And this past year my life was full of them. So to say 2016 was a rough year would be a massive understatement.

A few days ago I was sitting at my parent's house when my sister came home to tell us her boyfriend proposed and she was now engaged. And as I was sitting there looking at her ring and listening to how he proposed, I couldn't stop my mind from wandering. What was going on? How was it that last year at Christmas my family was asking me when my then boyfriend and I were getting engaged since we had been together so long. We were trying to figure out when we would be ready to start a family and get our own place and now all of a sudden it was my little sister. My little sister was now engaged. My little sister was moving into her first home with the love of her life. And now it was them who were talking about starting a family and here I was looking at the bottle of wine I finished that night.

I went from being the person who had her ENTIRE life planned out for the next 5 years to just trying to make sure I was getting to class on time. But through all of the tough moments of this past year, I also had one of the best. A serious relationship I thought would never end did, and I was left on my own for the first time in years not having any idea who I was. But through that, I was given the opportunity to find myself and who I want to be and I was able to learn how to be happy and how to love my life despite being on my own. I had friendships end but I met some of the most incredible people and reconnected with others who have become my best friends and my family away from home. I changed my major going into my senior year of college which then put me behind, but also gave me the opportunity to fall in love with my new major and excited for the future.

This was the absolute hardest year of my life and some days I sit and wonder how I survived it. But that's the thing, I did survive it. Through every major life change and every hardship I faced, I still found a way to get out of bed in the morning. I still found reasons to fight harder for what I want and what I deserve. I have learned that life is always going to be a mystery. We are never going to know what is going to happen in our lives, good or bad because that is what life is. Life is a series of highs and lows that will shape us into the person we are meant to become. Yeah, change can be absolutely terrifying and can make us rethink everything we once knew or believed, but that's the point of it all. We are meant to question if the person we're dating is the one we should spend our lives with. If the major we have been pursuing will truly make us happy to go to work every day, proud of what we are doing.

So on those days when it feels like all of the change in your life is becoming too much, like you can't catch a break, just remember life is a lot like an arrow. It can only be pulled back so far before it shoots forward. The changes in your life may be terrifying right now, but just wait for the adventures they will take you on.