The thing about life is that it is constantly built on chance. It’s the chance that you’ll move into that house, the chance you’ll get that dream job, the chance your parents will want that little sibling you’ve been begging for, the chance you can afford the college of your dreams, the chance that your best friend will call you her best friend too; it’s all chance whether we want to admit it or not. Who really knows what is going to happen tomorrow? Not me. I constantly write an itinerary for my day-to-day life, and does it ever really go as plan? Nope. I say I’ll be studying by 5 and then I leave my notebook across campus. I say lunch is at 12 and then I unexpectedly have to meet a professor; there is always something. A big chance my plan won’t be executed.
I am not saying this is a bad thing; life would be pretty boring if it always went exactly how we planned it. However, the constant idea of the unknown can be a little unsettling at times. For me, it’s never hit me more than it has recently. I am a senior in college. If my plan were to be executed I would have a job next summer, with my own apartment in a cute city or town with all new faces. But who really knows where I will be next year and that to me is worth a stomach drop, sweaty palms, and a slight break down.
I’ve never been so clueless in my life. I know what my itinerary would look like, the type of job I would want, expectations for my apartment. But, what if none of it works out how I have planned? Where will I be? In elementary school, you leave being uneasy but excited for middle school. In middle school, you leave extra uneasy but excited to be older and in a more mature place. Even in high school, you leave with a pretty good idea of where you are going to be for the next four years. But as I enter my senior year of college I can’t help but to freak out.
I am so excited for the last year. I am so excited for the memories, the nights out, the crappy dining hall meals, the long nights, the stress, the experience. But once it’s all over, then what? I won’t let my fear of the unknown take me away from my senior year, I refuse. But, it’s something that cannot be ignored.
It’s my whole entire future. This last year sets the path for the rest of my life and that to me, is insane to think about.
I’ve told this story many times, but I must tell it again. My senior year of high school, I thought for sure I would be attending Virginia Commonwealth University. There was no doubt in my mind that it is where I would end up, but I didn’t. With some complications, I was scrambling the summer before my freshman year of college. I had literally no idea what I would be doing in the fall or how I could make it possible. One day, my mom mentioned that the University of Mary Washington was still accepting applications. I was very skeptical but I chose to apply June of 2012. Right after applying, my mom and I drove out to Fredericksburg to get a tour of the school. You’re probably thinking, “She applied and knew nothing about the school?” Yes. Yes I did. Chance.
The tour was close to a disaster, we had to cut it short due to a horrible storm that was rolling in. I still knew close to nothing about the University besides that it was a beautiful school. While waiting out the storm a little bit, my mom and I walked around the bookstore, she kept picking out car stickers and even bought a “Mary Washington Mom” shirt. 1. Embarrassing. 2. I wasn’t accepted yet. I told her to stop, I felt like it was going to jinx my chances. What would I do with a Mary Washington shirt if I didn’t get in? I wouldn’t want to wear that as a reminder. She looked at me and said, “I know you’re going to be here in the Fall. I just know it.” Sure enough, there I was.
Life really does always find its way, and that is the important thing to remember as rising seniors think about their last year. It’s still terrifying. It’s still stressful. But, what is meant to be always finds it way. If things with VCU worked out perfectly how I had planned it, I wouldn’t be in this place. I wouldn’t have the friends, the experiences, the same education, as I do now. And likewise, the thought of not having what I had the past three years also terrifies me.
Life doesn’t need an itinerary. It follows chance and always makes its way. So cheers, to senior year, the year of terrifying chances and beautiful experiences.
